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Post by victoria hope jean on Nov 18, 2010 18:27:23 GMT -5
[/size] - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - [/font][/size][/color][/b] the countdown begins to destroy ourselves
WHO'S GOING TO FIGHT FOR WHAT'S RIGHT? [/font] - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - [/font][/size][/color][/b] With the sun shining, it didn't seem so bad of a day. The September air ran down the girls lungs as she took in a deep breath, the first time she'd been outside of the Hawthorn Academy walls in days. Those days felt like centuries. With her food in her hand and guitar on her back, she headed down towards the picnic area. She was finally starting to eat just a little bit, maybe a bite here and there. But it was an improvement. Without her brothers friends taunting her, she didn't have anything to worry about. She sat down in the plush grass, right under a shady tree and opened up her guitar case.
A ghost of a smile made its way to her lips, before quickly disappearing again. She started to strum for a couple of minutes before taking a bite of a turkey sandwich she'd gotten from the kitchens. She chewed it slowly, strumming the guitar again. She started to play a lullaby her brother had taught her when she was thirteen. She gazed off, her hands moving to the beat she'd memorized.
Hope missed her brother, that was true; but not the brother that resided somewhere in Houston, Texas now. No, not him. She missed the brother when she was 12, the person that taught her to play piano and guitar, who rode horses with her. The person that she could trust. Before she came here, she would pray everynight that he would come back; that he would believe her. It never happened. You could say, she lost faith in her brother. Ever since then, it had been incredibly hard to become friends with a boy again. She was afraid of being taunted, of being hurt, again.
She sighed and looked down at the sandwich before pushing it away from her. Oh, how she wanted her old life back.
[/size] - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - [/font][/size][/color] a hero's not afraid to give his life
A HERO'S GOING TO SAVE ME JUST IN TIME? [/font] - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - [/font][/size][/color][/b]
open ?!:TAGGED:
318 !?:WORDS:
alexisonfire - to a friend !?:MUSE:
oh geez !?:TATTOO:
hero by skillet !?:LYRICS:
earl of HORROR SHOW! :CREDITS:[/size][/font] |
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Post by xxtaintedxx on Nov 19, 2010 14:29:28 GMT -5
Kobby sat a table by himself, jittery. He hadn't had a fix today, and he could feel an episode coming on. He was trying to calm himself, but he couldn't seem to get a grasp on anything real enough to help. First he tought about his step parents and that was a fucking bust. They didn't give to shits about him, or about Gavin or else they wouldn't be here. They were horrible parents, sick of there responsibilities and decided to throw them in here instead. So then he tried to think about Gavin, but then he felt awkward so he quickly stopped.
Kobby couldn't pinpoint where all this energy randomly came from, but he knew that if he didn't stop an episode from coming, he wouldn't sleep for days or concentrate in a class. He might jump off the roof just in an attempt to feel alive. He groaned to himself as his leg shook with anticipation.
"Stop!" He muttered, leaning his elbow against it. He hated this, and no drug he had ever tried helped but only intensified the episode. That wouldn't help, but if he didn't have a fix soon he might go crazy. Looking around quickly, he spotted a girl sitting under a tree and moved to get up from the table he was sitting at.
"Guitar huh?" He asked in a somewhat rushed voice before sitting down across from her. Normally he would introduce himself first, and ask how long she had been playing but at the moment he didn't care. Thats what the episodes did to him
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Post by victoria hope jean on Nov 20, 2010 20:53:25 GMT -5
[/size] - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - [/font][/size][/color][/b] the countdown begins to destroy ourselves
WHO'S GOING TO FIGHT FOR WHAT'S RIGHT? [/font] - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - [/font][/size][/color][/b] She missed home terribly; she missed the smell of homemade pancakes when she woke up, she missed teaching her little sister how to play piano, she missed her horse... If everything hadn't happened in just that one night, it'd all be fine now. She wouldn't be here. In just one second, her anger flared up. But she knew that her mom didn't want her there. That's why she sent her here, to Hawthorne. She didn't want to take care and make her daughter feel better, like most mothers do. Hell, she didn't even know what happened to her.
Hope shook it off and looked down at her guitar, her fingers starting to play an old song she would sing with her brother; Your Guardian Angel from Red Jumpsuit Apparatus. She began to hum the words softly to herself and close her eyes. She liked this moment; there wad nothing here bothering her, she had nothing to worry about. Atleast, she didn't care to worry about them at the moment. She knew that if any of those depressing or angry feelings began to come back, then she could just go talk to one of her friends. They would understand.
A voice startled her and she jumped, looking at the source of the voice. It was a guy. She bit her bottom lip and looked down at her guitar, which she had stopped playing now, then back up at him before nodding her head, "It helps me relax some.." She said quietly, before she started playing the song again. A ghost of a smile made its way to her lips again, before disappearing half a second later.
[/size] - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - [/font][/size][/color] a hero's not afraid to give his life
A HERO'S GOING TO SAVE ME JUST IN TIME? [/font] - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - [/font][/size][/color][/b] [/size][/font] |
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Post by xxtaintedxx on Nov 20, 2010 21:38:36 GMT -5
She was a good looking girl, and by the looks of it Kobby didn't think she was like a lot of the girls here. That was refreshing, and he would have thought more about it if he wasn't at the starting stage of an episode. He had been told to go and talk to his doctor when he felt one coming on, but he didn't want to. It was irritating, trying to talk his way past them as a way to try and stop then from becoming so intense but Kobby had decided that he didn't mind them so much once they actualy start. It's before they start that he can't stand them.
She looked at him, and Kobby grinned at her. As she bit her lip, Kobby had a thought of her being underneath himself but tried to shake the thought from his mind. That wasn't something he normally thought about. He hated this, and he felt like a bad person for half a second before she spoke again. "Thats good, that you have something like that to help keep you sane. I don't have that, well, I guess I have my brother but he isn't really normaly good for me. Ya know, he gets in trouble a lot and always drags me into it.."
Kobby shrugged, with a small laugh before reaching in his pocket for a cigarette.
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Post by victoria hope jean on Nov 21, 2010 14:45:48 GMT -5
[/size] - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - [/font][/size][/color][/b] the countdown begins to destroy ourselves
WHO'S GOING TO FIGHT FOR WHAT'S RIGHT? [/font] - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - [/font][/size][/color][/b] Hope smiled over at him, before moving some hair from her face. She studied him for a moment; so far, he seemed like a nice guy, but she knew that you could never be too sure about people now. They could be your best friend one day, then your worst enemy the next. She would know this; it had happened to her many times before she came here. "I'm sure you'll find something that calms you down. It just takes a while.. Hell, it took me 2 years to find out how much music relaxed me," She said, politely. For as long as she'd been playing music, she never once realized how much she loved it; how she poured her heart out into her music. It made her feel better.. sometimes. She knew it wouldn't help her all the time.
When he started talking about his brother and how much trouble he got him into, she nodded her head. That reminded her so much of her brothers senior year at high school. He was such a troublemaker, and before they stopped talking, he'd gotten her into alot of trouble too. His group of friends got the whole school to turn against her when it came down to it, "I know how that is. My brother would get me into all kinds of trouble back in Texas," She said, placing her guitar to the side for a little while. It took her a moment, but she soon realized that she hadn't introduced herself and frowned slightly. She felt rude all of a sudden and put out her hand, "I'm Hope, by the way. It's nice to meet you."
[/size] - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - [/font][/size][/color] a hero's not afraid to give his life
A HERO'S GOING TO SAVE ME JUST IN TIME? [/font] - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - [/font][/size][/color][/b] [/size][/font] |
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Post by xxtaintedxx on Nov 21, 2010 15:06:05 GMT -5
Kobby took her hand in his, gently and shook it for her. "Kobby" He gave her a grinn before letting her hand go. She was small, and it was clear how small she really was when her hand had been in his. He watched her for another moment before nodding.
"Texas?" He asked again and shook his head. He hadn't known anyone from Texas and he wondered for a moment why they would send her here, instead of someone closer to home. He thought about asking her, but decided it was too soon to ask her that. Maybe if they talked again later on he would ask her, but until then he would mind his own business about her personal secrets.
"How long have you been playing? I tried it once, but decided it wasn't my thing. I was more of a sports player in my school. " He grinned at her again, before running a shaky hand through his hair.
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Post by victoria hope jean on Nov 21, 2010 22:20:44 GMT -5
Hope smiled and nodded, placing her hand back in her lap, "That's an interesting name. I like it. Back home, everyone had such unoriginal names. I had atleast 5 'Adams' in my class. It got confusing. Hell, there are 4 'Victorias' in my family.. And I'm rambling.. I'll be quiet now," She mumbled the last sentence, placing her hand over her mouth. She had a tendency to ramble or talk nonsense when she didn't know what to say. Some people thought that it was cute, but she thought that it was absolutely embarassing. Some of her 'friends' back home used to tease her for it, but she learned to ignore it.
"Yeah, my mom thought that this place was the best, so she sent me far off," She said, shrugging her shoulders. The further away from that place she was, the better. She knew that if she was close to home right now, she wouldn't be able to handle it. She was just getting to where she could smile every once in a while. She didn't anyone that she knew bringing her down all the time, again. She wouldn't be able to handle it. She wouldn't be here right now if she was. "I guess that it's for the best."
Hope looked down at her guitar, smiling a ghost of a smile before looking back up at Kobby, "About eight years. My brother taught me when I was eight," She said, remembering the first day she picked up a guitar. She was playing piano and her brother playing guitar, playing a song that her brother had written when he stopped all of a sudden and asked her if she wanted to know how. She fell inlove ever since. "Well, have you tried playing a sport to calm you down? Usually, your favorite hobby is the thing to keep you sane. For a little while, anyway."
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Post by xxtaintedxx on Nov 21, 2010 23:46:46 GMT -5
"It's not that type of Sanity" He said with a nervous laugh as he scratched the top of his head for a moment before rubbing an itch on his face. "It's more of an uncontroble urge to do things I wouldn't normally do and right now I can feel it starting deep in my stomach. I'm a swimmer, I always have been. I can't even tell you how many trophies and ribbons I have from it, but if I was to go to the pool and swim right now, it wouldn't change anything. I would feel just the same as I do"
He sighed as he looked at her. "It's like running on a treadmil. No matter how fast I go, I'll never get anywhere. It's hard to explain, but thats how it feels to me"
Kobby laughed a little nerviously as he looked at her. "What do your friends call you?" he had realized that she hadn't told him her name.
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Post by victoria hope jean on Nov 22, 2010 12:42:08 GMT -5
Hope nodded her head, listening to what he had to say. She was glad that she wasn't in this school for something like that. That she would, eventually, get over her problems. She knew that everyone here could get over their problems, with help. "Ohh. I understand now," She nodded, "Nothing helps at all?" If she didn't have anything that could help her calm down, then she wouldn't be here right now. She'd be dead. And that wouldn't be a good thing; well, to some people. "A swimmer? I used to swim all the time, but I wouldn't be able to do it competitively. I just don't have the muscle or endurance for that."
She put a soft smile on her lips and put a hand on his shoulder, "I have hope that you'll get somewhere. Eventually. Just don't give up." She never gave up; there was only one time that she gave up, and that's why she's at this school. She, atleast, never gave up on people. Besides her brother, she tried for years to get him back, but it never worked. He liked who he was now. He liked how he basically pushed his sister over the edge.
She picked back up her guitar and started strumming softly another song, I Must Be Dreaming by The Maine. It was another song that her brother had taught her. "Well, my actual name is Victoria, but most people call me my middle name, Hope. But there are a couple of people that call me Tori."
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Post by xxtaintedxx on Nov 22, 2010 13:25:40 GMT -5
Kobby felt her hand on his shoulder, and he looked at her wondering why she was being so gentle about this when she didn't even know him. How could a person who seems as kind as this girl get stuck in a place like that?
Kobby softened his smile at her, but said nothing about what he was thinking as an attempt to not offend her. It was her business, and if she didn't feel like telling him he wouldn't push her. Kobby wouldn't even ask, but instead give her the chance to tell him if she wanted to. He could see the two of them being good friends, but due to his current mania he couldn't think about it in too much detail. It's like a thought that whispers through his head, and when he tries to bring it about again, he can't remember what it was he thought about.
"Well what do you prefer to be called then?" He asked with a small laugh. Her answer was complicated, and he would have rather-ed that she just told him that in the first place.
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Post by victoria hope jean on Nov 22, 2010 14:04:58 GMT -5
"I guess I kind of rambled just then, didn't I? I'm sorry. I prefer Hope," She said, laughing a little after she spoke. She always rambled, she didn't know why. It just happened, and she couldn't stop afterward. She looked down at her guitar, watching her hands as they moved over the strings, before looking back up at him, "Why don't you tell me a little bit about you?" She asked him, hoping to get to know him better. She loved making new friends, well ones she knew that wouldn't backstab her like the ones back in Texas. It was normal for her to ask that question, she was a curious person. She talked alot and asked alot of questions.
She pushed her hair away from her face again and looked over at him. It was nice, meeting someone new. Alot of people here didn't really talk to new people much, well the ones that' she'd seen so far. She hadn't been at this school long, but from what she'd seen, there are alot of people here that have gone through more than she did. It kind of made her feel like shit for being how she was, but she decided that she couldn't help who she was. She wasn't usually one to talk about her problems anyway, that's why the counselors didn't know what to do with her, because she wouldn't tell them why she was suicidal, or why she wouldn't eat. She knew that, eventually, she would tell them. It just took time for her to trust someone enough to tell them.
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Post by xxtaintedxx on Nov 22, 2010 14:15:54 GMT -5
"Hope" He said with another grin. thinking about her question he sighed a little to himself, but not in a bad way. It was odd that she was asking about him, Kobby wasn't one to talk much about himself. He didn't find himself that interesting but he supposed she probably didn't wanna talk about herself either.
"Well. I was adopted, and I have a step brother. Who, coincidencially, happens to go here but he was here first. Uhm, I wasn't born with my episodes, they sorta formed over time I guess until it just got to the point where I couldn't control what I did anymore. It's hard to fight the urges that I get, and it's dangerous. I'll do stupid things like.. I don't know, Uhm" He thought for a moment, trying to think of an example.
"Well, I jumped out of the window of my house once and I lived on the second floor. I broke my leg and fractured my arm. And thats just one example. I swim, but I've already told you that. I like to take care of myself physically because I know I'm not mentally well and unlike a lot of the people here I want to get help. No, I don't really wanna give up my drug habit, but I would prefer if I didn't jump off of buildings for the thrill of it anymore"
He looked at her and shrugged as he reached into pocket and pulled out a granola bar. "Want some?" He asked with a grin before taking the wrapper off.
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Post by victoria hope jean on Nov 22, 2010 14:38:34 GMT -5
As Hope listened to his story, she found herself becoming more and more interested into this person she was talking to. She'd never heard of someone with a problem like having trouble controlling what they were doing. It was interesting. For some people, his story might scare them off, but not Hope. She didn't get freaked out easily. "Wow, Kobby. I wasn't expecting a story like that. It's good to know that you want help, I'm glad to know I'm not the only person around here that actually wants their problems solved," She said, smiling at him. She was thinking about telling him why she was here, like he did for her.
Just as she was thinking about telling him, Hope saw him take a granola bar out of his pocket and offer her some, but she politely declined, "I'm already stuffed," She said, smiling softly. She felt kind of bad for lying, but it was just how she was. She couldn't eat it. She sighed and looked at him. She figured she could tell him why she was here. Hell, he basically told her his life story, "That's actually one of the reasons I'm here, but it's not the main reason. They diagnosed me as anorexic and suicidal."
notes: sorry these seem to be getting a bit bad, my writers block is coming into effect a little bit.
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Post by xxtaintedxx on Nov 22, 2010 15:05:45 GMT -5
Kobby was about to take a bite of his granola bar when the word anorexic came out of her mouth. He looked at her, and slowly stuffed it back in his pocket.
"Well, It's something you can't control. I don't have an eating disorder, obviously, but I can understand not being able to control something and not really understand the reasons why" Kobby, if anything, sympathized with Hope. It must be hard to be hungry, and not be able to eat because your scared of food. Personally, Kobby couldn't get enough food and with all the physical things he did, He felt like he was always hungry. Not eating, or restricting or any other kind of behavior associated with having an eating disorder sounded just aweful to him.
"But on the other side, I hope you do understand how serious it is Hope. I mean, I don't know you very well but I feel like we could be good friends and I would hate to loose that opportunity because of your eating disorder" He gave her a grin and pushed some hair from her face before pulling his hand back.
"Just something to think about. Maybe we could help each other in some way"
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Post by victoria hope jean on Nov 22, 2010 15:31:17 GMT -5
Hope watched him put the granola back and shook her head, "Eat the granola bar, I don't care," She said, frowning at him for the first time. She hated when people did that. When they found out that she was anorexic, they didn't eat around her. Just because she wasn't eating, doesn't mean they didn't have to. She was the reason that she was this way, it was her fault. She could get over it. That's why she's here; to get over it.
Hope smiled at him and nodded. Kobby was a sweet guy, she hadn't met a guy so sweet. Well, besides her brother, but that was before he turned into a jackass. "Well, I know why I don't. It's getting better, with time. The counselors helped to where I can eat a little more. I can take a bite of something now, atleast," she said, just strumming random chords on her guitar. "Back home, alot of things happened and things got out. People would start teasing me, mainly guys for my weight." She scrunched up her nose at the memory; now, it just drove her mad to think about it. Yeah, it hurt her to think about it too, but she tried to not think about the hurt it brought to her.
As she listened to what he said about how serious it was and how they could be great friends. She agreed, she knew how bad it was and she was trying, it was just hard to get back into the habit of eating three times a day. "It's getting easier, so I don't think you have anything to worry about. But you're right. I do think that we could help each other in some ways.
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