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Post by amanda on Nov 21, 2010 12:55:09 GMT -5
Amanda decided, no more taking outside breaks, it seemed there was always a way to run into a guy out there. She just couldn't deal with that right now. She shivered at the memory and picked up the Othello she was supposed to read.
She remembered it all of course, so there wasn't a reason to read it. She could do the homework and pass the quizzes without having to do so, she just didn't want to pass up a good opportunity in reading it again.
As she stared at her copy, she couldn't get into it. She groaned and through it on the floor. Whatever, it wasn't like it was a necessity. She grabbed her guitar and just started to doodle and than play a song she made up back a lot time ago. That time when her mom gave up on her and blamed her for everything. She couldn't get the picture out of her head, of the disgusted look on her mom's face. She felt the tears fall as she played.
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Post by victoria hope jean on Nov 21, 2010 14:57:04 GMT -5
It had been a long day. It had probably been one of the worst days that she'd had in a few months. Lately, she'd been trying to look on the bright side of things, but today just didn't seem to be one of those days. She found out that she was failing half of her classes, but that was nothing new, she almost got into a fight with someone, and she lost her favorite guitar pick; the one that her brother had given her. She ran a hand through her brown hair as she walked down the hallway. She was just ready for this day to be over with.
Hope opened the door to her dorm and sighed in relief. She took off her shoes and cardigan, before noticing a thrown book on the floor. She bit her lip and picked it up, closing it gently before looking over at Amanda, who was playing her guitar. It took her a moment to notice, but when she did, she placed the book on her desk and walked over to her roommate, "Amanda..." She said, quietly. She looked at her for a moment, frowning, before continuing, "What's wrong, darling?" She hadn't seen her roommate cry in a while, so seeing her like this almost broke Hope's heart. She couldn't stand to see others cry; she could cry all she wanted to, but if she saw someone else do it, she wanted to take all of their pain away. She would do anything to make sure that someone was happy, no matter the cost.
notes: eh, it's not that good. but it'll get better.
outfit: pretty in yellow? yeah... click!
tag: amanda!
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Post by amanda on Nov 21, 2010 15:07:27 GMT -5
Amanda wiped at her eyes, crap. She wasn't expecting Hope to be back anytime soon. Or well she didn't want Hope to be back anytime soon. This meant explaination and that she was weak in the eyes of Hope. Though she was happy Hope was the only one and not some guy that would think her vulnerable. She shook her head and wiped her eyes.
"No...nothing," she said, trying to be stern but her voice broke mid word. Crap. She sat the guitar down on the bed. "Everything," she finally said with anger seeping into her voice. "I need to read that stupid book for class and I can't concentrate. I tried everything."
She shivered and felt the tears fell faster as she remembered the previous day. God, nobody had ever made her cry like this. No, only thoughts of her mom. "And..my mom and stupid shit keep popping in my head," she said, breathing slow and wiping her eyes. 'no more crying,' she mentally ordered herself. "Anyway. don't mind me," she said with full blown anger.
She decided to take out her anger, at both her mom and that stupid boy, out on Hope. She was easier to piss off and maybe it'll calm her down a little, who knew.
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Post by victoria hope jean on Nov 21, 2010 15:16:33 GMT -5
Hope wasn't exactly the best in these situations, though she tried to be. She always felt like she had to say something, but she knew that wasn't it. When she cried, she just wanted someone to listen to her vent. She didn't need any advice, except maybe when she asked for it. She was a great listener, but most people didn't believe it. Back home, people always thought her to be a snob, someone that would listen to you tell a secret, then decide to tell the whole world; but she was the exact opposite. People here were finally starting to understand that.
"Amanda, you're one of the smartest in this entire school. You could read that book in 30 minutes, probably. Don't stress about it. You'll do fine," She gave her a small smile at the end. She saw her roommate shiver and her frown deepened. Suddenly, her worry deepened as well. She looked at Amanda in the eyes and shook her head, "Don't you dare tell me not to mind you. I care about you, Amanda. I'm here if you just want to vent, I'm not going to judge you for anything."
She heard the anger in her voice and backed off a little bit, but still stood her ground. If she didn't want to talk about it, fine, but she wasn't going to leave her when she was crying like this. It worried her. Not only because she didn't like people crying, but because she knew what she, herself, did when she was a mess like that. She didn't know if Amanda was like that or not, but she didn't care. She wasn't going to leave her.
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Post by amanda on Nov 21, 2010 16:12:18 GMT -5
Amanda laughed,she knew she was one of the smartest, hell she was taking a few senior classes at her old school and even a college course or two. It was how she originally copped with her problems. Now, well now there was no copping just fear.
"It's not that I won't get it done, it's Othello I know it all by heart. It's the fact that I can't read it when it's one of my favorite plays." She shrugged, "It's nothing really I guess. Except I ran into a guy yesterday and now I can't stop thinking about my mom."
She didn't want to think about her, let alone talk about her and she glared at Hope. "Just leave me alone. I'm not going to do anything." She stood up and grabbed her book, she couldn't even believe she threw it. She bought it the day her mom told her that everything was her fault. It had been her tool to keep from hurting herself and now she couldn't even read it. "I need to get my homework done."
She pulled out the packet of questions and began filling in some answers.
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Post by victoria hope jean on Nov 21, 2010 21:09:47 GMT -5
Hope rose her eyebrows at her roommate and nodded her head, walking over to her bed laying down on it. She'd been yelled at before, but not by someone she was trying to cheer up. She rubbed her hands over her face before looking over at Amanda, "Well... I'm here... If you need anything.. Anything at all," She said quietly before grabbing her iPod and placing the earbuds into her ears. She put on To A Friend from Alexisonfire and closed her eyes.
If she'd found this song when she lived in Texas, she would have felt alot better than she did. She would have had the nerve to face the guy that had raped her. She wouldn't be here, in this dorm room. But in a way, she felt like she belonged here. Like God had put her here for a reason. She didn't know what for, or why. Maybe she could help someone else, well.. once she helped herself, first. She still had her issues to deal with. Unlike some people here, she actually wants help from the people here. She needs someone to talk to. She just hasn't had the heart to tell a counselor why she's done what's she's done.
After a few minutes, she pulled the earbuds out of her ears and looked back over at Amanda. She sat up and tucked her legs under her. "You know.. I may not know what you're going through, nor what you've been through. But I can try. I've gone through quite a bit too. I guess that's why we're all here..." She trailed off, biting her bottom lip. Flashbacks of everyone at school laughing and teasing her flashed before her eyes. She shook her head and looked back up at Amanda, "If you don't wanna tell me, fine. But I can't stand someone being upset. Especially my roommate. You don't have to like me, but you need to know that I care and I'm here. Always."
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Post by amanda on Dec 27, 2010 12:03:51 GMT -5
Amanda sighed when Hope finally said she'll leave her alone. She started filling in all the answers as fast as she could, just so she could turn this in. Maybe she couldn't read it cause she had too? She was always against doing things that other people wanted her to do. As she finished up the packet for Act I, she picked up the book and sighed when she started to read.
It was comforting to her, her book, in some odd way. Yes it was written by a man, okay so what? She liked it and she knew the reasons they didn't bother her. She was never planning on meeting Shakespeare. Hello he was dead. Feeling happy again she set her book down and closed her eyes.
That was until Hope started talking again. Okay so Amanda might seem rude, but in all truths she was as nice as you can get. Aside from Hope. She was very respectful and she'd never not answer someones direct question or not listen to them. So she looked at Hope and sighed when she started to talk.
"Alright Hope you want to know what's wrong?" Sitting up she prepared herself for tears, the only one who knows is her mom. And she refused to listen, would Hope be the same? She hoped not. "My dad died trying to stop a bar fight. I was two months. So my mom became the dominant parent and well she didn't have a degree. She became a whore."
"Then, she had some drunk ass boyfriend when i was like eleven. He.." She trailed off trying to muster the courage to say this, she was pissed so she looked at Hope. "He raped me. My mom didn't believe me and because of that it lead to my fear of men and to me being here. Happy?" The tears had started to spill again and she quickly turned away from her and wiped at her eyes.
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Post by victoria hope jean on Dec 27, 2010 14:31:53 GMT -5
Hope didn't know how Amanda was going to react to her talking to her like that, but she just couldn't help herself. She hated it when people are upset, almost everyone knew that. She would push aside her own problems, just to listen to others. It was a bad, and a good, trait at the same time. She couldn't help but worry about other people. She didn't like people feeling like she did most of the time. They deserved a better life than the one that she has. They deserve to life. That's how she always thought. And yeah, some people might think that her ways of thinking were strange, but she didn't care. She just wanted to help others.
As she listened to Amanda tell her story, she began to feel real bad for her family life. She always had a good family, for the most part. Up until her junior year, it was almost perfect. She still had a good, middle class home, but her family was torn apart. Her brother won't talk to her, her mother sent her to get her out of her hair, and she was almost positive her dad was having an affair when he said that he was working late. But, she would never knew how it felt to live a family life like Amanda did.
Hope got off her bed, and slowly moved over to where Amanda was. She could relate to a lot of that story, so she knew that they could help each other out. She bit her bottom lip, hard for a moment, and let Amanda wipe her eyes. She didn't know what to say to her, at first, but then it came to her, "I can relate to you, Amanda," She finally said, in a soft and quiet tone, "I was raped, too. By my brothers best friend, and my brother won't believe me." It didn't lead her to fearing men, well it did, but not so much that it was a phobia. She would still talk to them, and befriend them. She just wasn't able to form a relationship with anyone because of it. She suddenly thought about what Amanda was thinking, she was hoping that she didn't think that Hope said that just to make her feel better, or that it was a lie. Because it wasn't anywhere close to that. She just wanted her to know that there were people here that could relate to her.
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Post by amanda on Dec 31, 2010 0:49:08 GMT -5
Amanda didn't mind that Hope cared, she was just surprised that somebody did. That wasn't something she was used to, so she was a it at odds on how to act. She was happy a little that someone cared, but still kind of wished it was her mom who would of done this. It would of saved her pain, drama and her life. Though she didn't know if she wanted to lose a friend like Hope. She was just..so nice and even if she was a bit nosey, she was still a friend
Amanda only knew her life, and never knew anything else, she never even thought if anyone's life was different. She knew her mother loved her, or at least she thought she did. Before the one boyfriend, he was just such an ass. And yes he was the only one, but she couldn't trust anyone after that. It was hard when her mother wouldn't believe her. When her mother chose her prostituting over her own daughter.
She looked up at Hope and couldn't figure out what to do, she believed Hope. Why wouldn't she? She wasn't going to be like her horrible mother and say no your wrong. "Hope. I'm sorry," she said looking at the girl with tears in her eyes. "My mom won't believe me. But I believe you Hope." She sighed, "I know that's all i wanted someone to say was that they believed me." Shaking her head she laughed a little, "Thanks hope. I feel better."
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Post by victoria hope jean on Dec 31, 2010 1:18:55 GMT -5
Hope didn't know what was going on in Amanda's mind and it was driving her crazy. To see her roommate break down like this was heartbreaking and she couldn't stand it. She just wanted to kick whoever did this to her, she didn't deserve to feel this way. She was glad that Amanda opened up to her, though. She was glad that Amanda did, so she knew that she could trust her. She wanted her to know what it felt like to have someone there for you. No matter what, because she knew how it was to feel so alone.
She smiled sadly at Amanda and shook her head, "This isn't about me, I just wanted you to know that I can understand how you feel. Well, to a certain extent," She said, quietly. She was glad that Amanda believed what she said, because she wouldn't dare lie to her. Especially about something as terrible as that. Who would do that, just for attention? That was shit. She smiled lightly and put a hand on her shoulder, "I'll always be here. You know that now, right?"
notes: sorry it's not that good.
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Post by amanda on Dec 31, 2010 12:11:29 GMT -5
Amanda shrugged slightly, yes she might of torn down the wall that was always up. But that didn't mean she felt comfortable to keep it down. What if someone else came in? Not that her or hope ever invited them to the room. Ever. So it was all good. At least she hoped so. Hehe Hope, hoped. funny.(or not).
She had a slight giggle rise as she laid back down, maybe a good conversation and rest would do Amanda good. She could finally read her play and be happy again. Or as happy as Amanda ever is. "Thanks Hope. It's nice to actually have a friend for once."
notes: eep mine sucks too XD
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Post by victoria hope jean on Jan 1, 2011 16:37:29 GMT -5
Hope grinned at Amanda and nodded her head, "Yeah, it is, isn't it?" She knew what it was like to not have any friends whatsoever. She loved every single one of her friends after Alex told everyone that she had asked for the sex. That's whys he was glad that she came to this school. She had a chance to start over and make new friends, and so far it had been working. She'd gained a few more friends, and one might even turn into more. She was having a, somewhat, normal life right now. Excluding the wanting to kill herself and not eating.
She tucked her legs underneath her again, and got comfortable. They were roommates, and friends now. That made her happy, but they still didn't now each other. They only knew what happened, and why they were here at Hawthorne, "So, Amanda, we're roommates, and yet we don't know shit about each other. How about you tell me some of your hobbies?" She loved getting to know people and seeing if they had anything in common. She didn't know why, but it also gave them something to talk about. If they had things in common, they could talk about what they did with that certain hobby, or how they grew to liking it.
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Post by amanda on Jan 11, 2011 16:35:37 GMT -5
Amanda felt like she was completley stripped of her guard. She had it permanetly placed up, to worried that someone might try and slip into some unknown crack and get to her. She hated the thought of it being gone, of her being vulnerable. Of someone knowing her deepest secret, even if they knew nothing else about her.
Okay so she still felt nervous when Hope asked about her hobbies. Crap. Okay so Hope already knew everything she tried to hide why not tell her the stuff that didn't matter? Bracing herself for some kind of judgement, as she looked up. "I write music, play the guitar, read plays, and do homework."
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