We've Already Lost Control [Open]

[zilya alexis raskolnikov]

Zilya found herself at the sports field. She didn't know why or how. She walked and walked and wasn't sure where it was she was going but this was where she had ended up. Zilya had her own share of problems, just like anyone else here so she wasn't about to dwell in self-pity for too long.

Instead she had yet another thing to help her pass the time. Starvation. She wouldn't eat unless she absolutely had to. Staying thin helped her keep a more feminine form and Zilya needed that illusion to stick. It was who she was inside and she was only trying to make the outside match what was inside. It wasn't a crime to want to be a complete person instead of constant feeling like you were stuck in the wrong body, like everything was wrong.

Sitting on the bleachers the tall statuesque blonde, leaned forward, arms around her stomach as she tried to think of everything else. She was hungry, but she wouldn't eat. She would instead think of the smells around her, distract herself with colors and sounds. Everything to avoid thinking about the hunger.

She didn't want to eat. She hated what she was sometimes, though clearly not as much as her father did and this was only another thing she could control on her own. She didn't have a choice in being what she was and right now she didn't have the choice to change it or to try and fix it. She would have no control over it until she was eighteen and food was something she could say yes or no to and so she said no.

[john]

I don't want to close my eyes
I don't want to fall asleep

credit to coti-tastic @caution 2.0

Johnathon had decided to hit the sports feild and get back into shape, he hadn't really practiced much anymore and kind of drifted away from the sports he used to play before the whole semi-drug days. Even if he never actually did the drugs, he hung out with people who did, so automatically he was a druggie. Though not many people realized that he was lying about it, and that's the reason he quit sports. Cause if they drug tested him and found him negative, his lies would be found out. So he quit, and now that those lies are over and he is far away from the drug scene here. He decided to sign up for track, swimming, tenis, and baseball. One of those in which, he could practice here by himself, two of them he could practice if he had help.

So when he go to the feild he started to run around the track, building up his speed as he went around the track more and more times. That was when he saw a blonde who was leaned over and from far away looked like she was in pain. Johnathon being the boy he was, wanted to see if she was okay and if she wanted help. So he quickly ran to the other side of the felid, cutting the the football feild to finally make it to the bleechers and ran up them, not going up the stairs until he made it to the girl, noticing she was actually pretty and sat down. "I hope you don't mind me sitting here," he was breathing a little hard, yet he wasn't that out of breath at all as he sighed.

He noticed the girls hands were on her stomach and assumed she must be here for eating disorder or something and just sighed. He ran all the way up here for nothing, not that he was going to take it out on the girl. He wasn't like that at all, it was his own decision, and he was going to take the good and the bad. He is meeting a new person, he definitly ran like he was planning too, and well there really was no bad. So he just shrugged and decided to ask if she was okay, just in case his assumptions were off and he didn't want her to think bad of him. "Are you okay?" He didn't offer any explaination of to why he asked this, just in case she didn't want people to know, and he would give her that, if it was what she wanted.

"I'm Johnathon," he finally offered after a minute of awkward silence and offering is hand along with it, hoping she'd take it and shake it. He wasn't the type to feel bad about her not doing so, but it was nice to give the people the option, just in case they were the type to shake hands.

Cause I miss you baby
And I don't want to miss a thing

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tags;zilya
words;five;zero;three
notes;hi
music; i don't want to miss a thing;aerosmith

[zilya alexis raskolnikov]

Zilya just sat there. There were a few people around but she didn't pay too much attention to them. She didn't care to. They would go about their business and she would hers and no one would have to ask questions or add unnecessary complications or awkward silences to her little world. Yes, she would just sit there, that feeling never lasted too long anyway. You would only be hungry for a little while and then that feeling would leave you so Zilya would simply wait it out.

All hopes of being left alone went out the window when she saw a boy running up the steps toward her. Zilya didn't say a word but indicated that she didn't mind him sitting there. A bit of company would help distract her at least so why not have it for a while.. But then he asked if she was okay and her eyes widened just slightly like she taught she had been caught in a lie despite not saying a word.

Zilya sat up a little straighter as though this would hide it and simply nodded to say that she was fine. She didn't feel much like talking today and letting on that there was a problem was never a good idea. People always seem to think it was a bad thing unless they had the same problem too and in case, she highly doubted it.

The boy did seem nice though and so when he gave her his name, she gave him hers. "I'm Zilya," she told her, her accent evident in her slightly deeper voice. She shook his hand, not wanting to be rude and even managed a small smile for his efforts. The desire to eat had nearly left her now and Zilya was slowly feeling a little more social. "You play sports?" she asked, refering to the running he had been doing. It was as good as any topic to start a conversation with so why not go with something she knew he might talk about.