Post by joshua casey preston on Mar 4, 2011 17:30:34 GMT -5
joshua casey preston
carve your name into my arm,
instead of stressed, i lie here charmed
‘cause there’s nothing else to do,
every me and every you.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - basics
AND I THROW MY HEART BACK TO THE OCEAN
nicknames: josh, joshy, j.c.
sex: male.
age: eighteen.
birthday: february 8th.
grade: junior.
orientation: pansexual (or aleks-sexual, really).
diagnosis: personality disorders; level 5.
problem: problem? what problem? if you asked joshua, he would deny having a problem at all. at first glance, it's pretty difficult to just slap a label on his forehead. there isn't a law against being brilliant, or not having his whole life mapped out with goals, or being pessimistic. but then there are other things, like feeling estranged from his own body (almost like being an observer of the world, but never really a part of it), or talking morbidly about suicide and death with an air of tragic romance and just a bit of excitement. there are long periods of depression, where all he really wants to do is sleep, and how he picks up on other's behavior, while also easily influenced by them. it’s what josh does because sometimes it’s so hard to fit in, especially when you don’t really know who you are. he gets pretty attached to the people that he lets into his life, although his initial reaction is to push them away. but once they’re in, he lashes out viciously when they are taken away. he likes stability and he’ll be fiercely loyal to whatever he believes in at the time, even if it’s not the best thing for him.
a tattoo isn't a problem; neither is two, or three, or four. but doing it for the pain, because it's one of the only things he can control about himself, well... that's another story altogether. he sketches out all of his tattoos, wanting them to be unique and unlike anyone else’s. sometimes, he gets debilitating migraines and he has vivid hallucinations, which for the most part he ignores, or tries to anyway. he doesn't do drugs (hell, he doesn't even really like medication, often paranoid about its effects), but he does drink sometimes, especially when he gets headaches. josh is resistant to therapy, often trying to outsmart his therapists and creating different scenarios to explain his world, which is very different from "their world." in his world, things are either black or white; so are people. they're either good or bad. he's a wrist banger and he has some scars from his psychosis, before he entered bluebird. oh yes, he injured people then. they were in the wrong place at the wrong time... or simply just messing with the wrong person.
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- - - - - - - - - - - appearance
BUT IT DON'T GO FAR, IT COME BACK FLOATING
BUT IT DON'T GO FAR, IT COME BACK FLOATING
eyes: cobalt blue, but they sometimes appear to be green in the sunlight. they have a soft quality about them and it's pretty easy to tell when he's been upset.
face: oval-shaped, thick eyebrows, button-nosed. there are significantly noticeable gauges in his ears, ranging from large to small or black to white. the occasional nose ring also adds a bit to his "devil may care" attitude. and despite how much he seems to hide behind his hair (particularly when his self-image isn't at its best) and his piercings, there is an almost curious beauty about him. it's rare for him to outwardly smile, as it always comes out rather crooked, and he tends to scowl when he's annoyed, or to scrunch up his nose when he dislikes something.
body: standing at a decent 6'0" and weighing in at about one hundred forty pounds, josh is fairly lanky without stepping over the line. he's a fickle eater, leaning more towards the vegetarian lifestyle, and he's gone through periods of eating very little. there are various tattoos all over his body, particularly along his thin arms, and he tends to wear short-sleeved shirts to show them off. also, he’s been marked by aleks and he’s not ashamed of it. it’s his favorite thing about himself. sometimes if his skin tries to heal and smooth over, josh will pick delicately at his scars to preserve the knife marks.
fashion: very eclectic and usually it matches his mood. old band tees tend to hug his body, accentuating all the right curves and sometimes riding up on his abdomen just enough to catch someone's eye. skinny jeans (because for the life of him, he can't stand baggy jeans) tend to help complete his confident look, along with vans or black boots. other times, when he's not in tip top shape, he'll just throw on a hoodie. josh doesn't have a particularly expensive taste, but he does appreciate others that do. he's a fan of accessories, like the black cuffs that aleks got him, chains, or studded belts. in fact, he loves anything coming from or worn around the time that he was with aleks and he refuses to allow anyone touch any of it, not even to throw in the wash, partially afraid that his scent will disappear. of course, he'll never outright say that, but... that's how he is. call it silly or possessive, he doesn't give a damn.
playby: jordan holland.
overall: at first glance, joshua seems like your typical dark, broody teenage boy. his dark hair falls over his intense cobalt blue eyes, the ones that seem to peer straight into your soul one day and dull over the next. he has various tats and piercings that will probably never allow him to get into a normal career. he’s been told that he has “ruined himself for a normal life,” but josh will just shrug and say, “what’s normal?” he doesn’t like to be photographed. sometimes, josh is very self-conscious about his looks and any simple little remark will get to him. he doesn’t have a big ego, but if he’s around someone that finds him attractive, he’ll feed off of that energy and feel more confident about himself. some people use sex to feel something, but josh is more of a verbal person, getting his approval from others through words. it doesn’t have to be a lot of words, just the right ones. so depending on how he views himself and how he’s feeling is how he’ll look.
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- - - - - - - - - - - personality
AND I WATCH IT WASH UP WITH THE DEAD FISH
AND I WATCH IT WASH UP WITH THE DEAD FISH
dislikes: being alone (even if sometimes he claims that's all he wants), boredom, migraines, summer camps, being photographed, enclosed spaces, medication (years in the system and he still questions everything), forensic wards, psychiatric wards, aggressive confrontations, being a bystander, swanky hotel rooms, sometimes everyone and sometimes no one.
strengths: smart, spunky, sarcastic, witty, secretive, picking up on others' behavior and adapting it as his own, sympathetic, judgmental (in an analytical way and also towards himself).
weaknesses: impulsive (he'll do whatever it takes to have things his way sometimes), depressive, submissive (towards aleksei, not the hospital staff), often tired, pessimistic.
secrets:
- believes that his family is cursed.
- that he did intend to kill himself when he jumped out of his window.
- knows that casey isn’t his biological father. he found out at the funeral.
worst memory: if he could remember the things he did during his psychosis, that would probably fall under here. but since he can't (not completely, just in bits and pieces), it would probably be after his grandmother died. he didn't cry at her funeral, and it was probably one of the only times where he had a "legitimate reason" for feeling sad, but he didn't. instead, he curled up on an uncomfortable loveseat and stayed overnight for the wake, wanting nothing more than to go back to where aleks and cameron were. he even missed dreary old england; things just made more sense there. his relatives constantly called him “cold” and “emotionless,” but the truth was that joshua had never felt as much as he did back in bluebird. not just physical pain from being jerked around, sedated, and subdued against his will… but he felt alive. the night before he left for his hometown, josh remembers packing up all of his things and wearing the gifts that aleks bought for him over the years: namely the black cuffs and the dresden dolls shirt that he’d worn so many times that sometimes josh wondered how it didn’t fall apart at the seams. but when he got there, aleks was nowhere to be found. no one would tell him what happened and he didn’t even get to say goodbye. that was the first night he cried himself to sleep in a long time.
best memory: when he was around fifteen and a half, he and aleks were finally out of bluebird and they were able to be alone. sure, so his parents were still in the other room, but it was the closest they were able to be. they were free. not just free in general, but free to be together and not constantly being watched. so yeah, boys will be boys and they had their first makeout session. it was probably heated and clumsy, a clash of teeth and a battle for control which josh readily gave up, but it was nice. it was the best he’d ever felt about himself, because of the way that aleks saw him.
desires:
- to feel comfortable in his own skin and maybe finding a cure for the uncurable.
- having every inch of his skin covered in tattoos, eventually.
- finding aleksei, wherever he is.
pet peeves: people sneaking up on him, others touching his stuff without permission, being asked to smile, being diagnosed.
overall: although josh views things pretty critically, he’s a complex young adult and pretty unpredictable. he changes his views often about himself and others, along with carrying a sarcastic, pessimistic attitude and being resistant to change (including therapy). he’s smart, but chooses not to apply himself, usually surprising his professors when he aces their examinations without attending class. so he’s pretty smart, when he wants to be. that’s often the side that authority figures and adults of any kind will get. but around his peers, he’s actually pretty distant with a flair for a good sense of humor, always trying to make a good impression. he mimicks behavior and tends to go along with the general consensus, often looking up to the dominant person in the group. he likes being controlled, but only when it’s voluntary and only when it’s done right. josh can be pretty vicious, not exactly physically, but verbally. he has a sharp tongue if he feels threatened, which usually involves losing something. he also sees his body like an artist sees a canvas; not as an extension of himself, but as something to be manipulated.
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- - - - - - - - - - - - - history
BUT IT AIN'T QUITE DEAD, IT JUST IS LIKE THIS
BUT IT AIN'T QUITE DEAD, IT JUST IS LIKE THIS
casey michael preston; father (not biological); business tycoon/casino owner; alive.
carmen annabelle preston-lombard; biological mother; housewife; alive.
siblings:
unknown.
other relatives:
michael preston; paternal grandfather; deceased.
marina preston; paternal grandmother; deceased.
raphael lombard; maternal grandfather; alive.
isolde lombard; maternal grandmother; deceased (recently).
history:
joshua casey preston was born eighteen years ago in london, england. he was born prematurely, because his mother had borderline personality disorder (though she was just diagnosed as being depressed) and she was unable to take her medication during the pregnancy, so she was constantly under intense care. when the contractions started and she tried to throw herself off of a balcony, her husband rushed her to the hospital. joshua was born relatively healthy, except for a small case of asthma, which gradually wore off over his childhood. but he had ten fingers, ten toes, and a bright pair of wide blue eyes. fortunately, he resembled his mother in most aspects, like in the structure of his face and his pale porcelain skin, but those eyes... those cobalt eyes didn't resemble either of them.
of course, being the trusting man that he was, casey michael preston simply shrugged it off and attributed it to a recessive gene somewhere down the line. but carmen annabelle preston-lombard knew differently: josh was not his biological son. you see, casey had a lot of good things going for him. he was a business tycoon with his shares of casinos in the states, good standing with local families, and a devilish charm, but he had trouble helping them conceive. around the time that they had artificial insemination done, carmen's body rejected it and she was raped. afraid that she would be seen as "tainted" by her husband, she kept both incidences a secret, until baby josh came along and then she could hide it no longer.
fortunately, casey thought nothing of it, simply believing that modern science had worked for them and thought of the baby bump as his own. that leads us to after joshua was born. he wasn't a particularly fussy baby, but carmen got the "baby blues." she didn’t want to touch him, or carry him, and often left all the work to other family members and hired help. that got worse and turned into postpartum depression (ppd) about two months later, where she rejected the baby completely, and josh was often left in his grandparents' care. this lasted for about six months, before his mother was taken to therapy and given professional help. once there, they also properly diagnosed her with borderline personality disorder after a suicide attempt. she was then committed to a psychiatric ward for further treatment and care.
casey would stop by to visit his son during the summer and long breaks, usually bearing expensive gifts or taking him along on business trips to the states, where josh basically lived from hotel to hotel for those few weeks or months. it was pretty unstable, and there were times when he caught his father staring at an old picture of his mother that he always kept in his wallet, his gaze unwavering and almost lifeless, but josh was too young to make much sense of it all. sometimes they would go to a place that daddy called "the hospital," where he would take drawings and little knick knacks that josh had created for her, even though he didn't really know her besides the things that he was told.
his mother was released and officially declared "competent" when joshua was six years old. he was a generally nice, yet distant child, so it didn't take long for him to build up some sort of attachment to carmen. she didn't really act like a mother, instead opting for a friendship, so josh was able to get away with a lot. his father wasn't really involved either, but he was around more. that should have made josh happy, but he wasn't. he had never been a particularly cheerful child. josh never felt like he fit in and his opinion towards himself or others changed constantly.
when he was thirteen, his parents were very concerned about josh’s depression and how he didn’t really socialize well with other kids. so after looking through brochures, they found out about summer camps and were encouraged by family friends to send their son there. josh wasn’t too excited about it, but he wanted to please his parents, so he went along with it. his progress at the camp was below average, the counselors often frowning at his pessimism. according to them, he was uncooperative and lazy. then one night during a bonfire, he snuck back to his cabin and caught one of the counselors in his bunk with a camper. they didn’t notice that he saw, and he didn’t tell anyone, simply writing it down in his journal. but one afternoon, a couple of boys were goofing off and they read it, spreading the news like wildfire. the counselor was quickly suspended and arrested.
eventually, everything was traced back to josh. the camper that felt that she had just lost “the love of her life” was pissed. she snuck out with him on the last week of camp to go skinny dipping. josh wasn’t particularly confident about his body, but he’d had a crush on her for a while (also mentioned in his journal entry). they met at a shed, where most of the canoe and other equipment was kept. at first, she told him to take off his clothes, before tying him up and gagging him. she left him there for two hours. when she returned, she brought her so-called boyfriend of two days with his friends and claimed that josh was trying to take advantage of her. most of it is a blur. he remembers being emotionally abused, spit on, kicked, beaten, being held underwater, getting some of his hair cut, and flashes of a camera. the next day, everyone had pictures of josh with the words “sick perv” written across his forehead on their cellphones.
for the next few days, joshua refused to leave his cabin. the counselors had no idea what had gone on and tried to coax him out of it, but eventually called him a lost case and gave up. on the last night of camp, he was alone in his bunk with a really bad headache when the guys from the shed approached him. they blocked all the exits and when the eldest started to unbuckle his pants, joshua gripped a pocket knife that he’d snagged from when they had been in the woods. he doesn’t remember much of what happened, but he does remember the voices and the blood. as soon as his overconfident, well-endowed peer tried to shove his appendage down josh’s throat, there was a flash of a blade and everyone started screaming. he went on to scratch, bite, and cut various of the people trying to hold him down, before he blacked out.
it was supposed to be ruled as self-defense, but the fact that josh had the knife under his pillow made it pre-meditated. also taking into consideration his mother’s condition and the gruesome photographs that surfaced from the campers’ cellphones from the shed, they decided to send joshua to bluebird. he spent about three months without saying a word. in fact, most people thought he was mute. then he met aleksei, the most dangerous yet appealing individual that he’d ever met, and everything changed. they had a secret relationship for most of his stay there, one which he feared would be over when he was offered a discharge date. by then, he’d also met cameron (basically aleksei’s female counterpart), and he offered to act out in order to stay with them. but they all made their way out eventually, his relationship with aleksei staying strong. they even had kinky sex, which tapped into his past at first (bonds, aggression, pain), but that’s where the similarities ended. it actually helped him just as much as it helped aleks. it was like he was no longer afraid.
then joshua’s grandmother, whom had moved to australia while he was in the hospital, passed away suddenly from a heart attack. it was supposed to be only two weeks, but it ended up being three months. her death affected him greatly, as she had been one of his primary caretakers during an unstable period in his life. so he became depressed, drawing disturbing images and constantly talking about death. wanting to get him out of that atmosphere, they finally returned to london and it looked like he was getting better, but there was no sign of aleksei and the weight of an absent goodbye hung over his head. his condition returned full force, where he wouldn’t leave the bed for anything. not to eat, not to shower, not to do anything. when josh got drunk almost to the point of alcohol poisoning and thought that he saw someone from bluebird out on the street, he jumped out of his window. it was then that his parents sent him off to hawthorne in the states, no longer knowing how to handle their son as history seemed to repeat itself.
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- - - - - - - - - - - - - player
OH MY HEART, IT'S A HOUSE IN TORNADO
OH MY HEART, IT'S A HOUSE IN TORNADO
your age: twenty-one.
time zone: eastern.
other characters: harlow rochelle smith & zachery jase beecher.
rp sample: already a member.
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- - - - - - - - - - - - - credit
OH MY HEART, IT'S A HOUSE IN THE SKY IN THE EYE OF TORNADO
OH MY HEART, IT'S A HOUSE IN THE SKY IN THE EYE OF TORNADO
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