Try To Fill Me With Doubt [Harlow]

[nathaniel shane thomas]

Nate walked down the trail but some where along the way he had taken a wrong turn. He was sure that he had been down this way before, not that he had been in the woods a lot but it was a nice place to come to. Walking away from the main path, he knew where he was headed.

He soon found himself as a small clearing that he had been too a few times before. It was out of the way and secluded and that was really all Nate needed from a place. With his guitar and his notebook, he could be out here for hours and not get bored. Though this wasn't anything new for Nathaniel. He could go just about anywhere and sit around doing nothing and be perfectly fine. He was used to it, he had enough practice doing it.

The blonde put his guitar and notebook down on the ground beside him. He didn't feel like trying to write or play anything right now. Sitting down on the ground, he leaned his back against the trunk of the tree, not caring if he got his long sleeved shirt or jeans dirty.

Deciding instead to just relax for a while, Nate decided to sing a song. He didn't need his guitar for it, just looking up at the sky, he sang the first thing that came to mind. Bleedin' Love by Leona Lewis. It wasn't perfect but he wasn't trying to sing it perfectly. He was just trying to relax and enjoy being outside. With a hand on his leg, tapping the beat, he sang the song, not paying much attention to what was around him.

[[his singing right here: here ]]

[harlow rochelle smith]

Harlow had been cooped up inside of her dorm room for far too long now. She couldn't draw any inspiration from the same things she was used to seeing all the time, so she decided to go off for a walk. With her sketchbook tucked under her arm and a lit cigarette hanging from her curved lips, she soon found herself going down a trail. She wasn't a girl scout, but she had a pretty good sense of observation, and it was pretty hard not to spot the footsteps that were far too large to be her own.

She had been here before, but she didn't remember the circumstances too well. Once it had been for a bonfire, but the other time... well, she had been high off of her rocker, so you couldn't really expect much from her. Some of the trees looked a little familiar, but the more she walked, the more they looked exactly the same. Normally, a poor defenseless teenage girl would be afraid of getting lost in the woods, but Harlow wasn't your typical teenage girl. She wasn't an axe murderer, or particularly skilled in martial arts, but she was adventurous and a little reckless. That was enough for most teenagers.

Soon enough, the brunette was convinced that she was going around in circles. But then she heard it: a smooth melody that seemed to move in between the shady trees and the overgrown shrubs, making her turn her head in that direction. If she didn't know any better, she could have sworn that she'd heard that voice before...

Careful not to make any noise to startle him, Harlow made her way through the thick luscious trees. Looking out into the clearing, she saw nothing at first. Then, her icy blues landed on a guitar, as well as a notebook, and then lower to the boy leaning back against the trunk. Holding her pen in between her teeth, she quickly propped open her notebook and began to sketch an outline. The lighting was falling on his face at just the right angle, emphasizing his nice jawline as his lips moved. He was Nate, Clyde's talented friend.

The song itself was nice, one that she'd heard before. It wasn't sung as high strung as the original and he almost seemed... relaxed? Yeah, that was it. It was perfect. She briefly wondered if he would mind that she was drawing him, but she knew that it wouldn't be the same if he knew. From her last impression, he was sweet, but very shy. So Harlow was conducting a naturalistic observation.

[nathaniel shane thomas]

It wasn't often that Nate could just sit back and not have to worry about too much but this was definitely one of those times. He could just sit there and chill out and not have to stress out or worry about the people around him and what they might do because well, there were no people. It was just him and the trees out there and he liked it that way.

It gave him what could almost be described as a sense of peace, something that he wouldn't usually get anywhere else and he appreciated it. It was the very thing he found he needed but couldn't always get and here it was right in the middle of a serene, pristine little forest.

Nate stayed pretty still for quite a long while. Even after the song ended, he just sat there, enjoying the quiet. There were the usual sounds in the woods, birds chirping and things of that nature but he liked those things. There weren't something he needed to worry about.

He actually looked relaxed and comfortable in his surroundings and that was a rare thing for Nate. As soon as there was at least one other person around, he would have his guard up and it would be obvious that he did. It was hard though. He hated school for that reason. There was always so many people around and he just needed to get away. He felt like that all of the time.

[harlow rochelle smith]

Harlow continued to sketch away. First, it was a simple outline of his features, before going over it again and adding a little bit of shading. It was almost like a portrait, but not as detailed. It could have been, but she wanted to give it a sort of mirage look. Nate looked like he was in a completely different world, much like she felt when she was high. She couldn't help but feel a tinge of envy, as well as admiration, on how he could just disconnect like that.

She could have made a big fuss and run straight over to him, but she didn't want to do that. The brunette wanted him to stay in his perfect little bubble, where no one could hurt, or taunt, or scare him. Maybe no one did any of those things, but he was just so shy... so fragile, even.

And Harlow just felt this obligation to keep him that way as much as she could. It was rare, that type of blissful innocence; even if it was only for a few moments. So she didn't move a muscle, quietly sketching what felt like a completely different world. It was like looking at Mars from the edge of Earth through a looking glass.

But hey, maybe she was just making a big deal out of it. Either way, it was what it was. Putting on some finishing touches and signing it on the corner, she moved quietly through the trees until she was standing just a few feet away behind him. She could see his guitar and his notebook from where she was standing. If she could just lean over...

But the chilly breeze had other ideas, blowing it right out of her hands and through the trees, out into the clearing somewhere near Nate's things. When she tried to take a step back, a branch snapped and she let out a string of curses under her breath.

So much for being anonymous.

[nathaniel shane thomas]

Nate could have sat there for hours more. He avoided people so much that he had to quickly learn to adapt. Just sitting and thinking about pretty much everything and anything helped take up the time. The blonde just sat quickly, looking off at nothing in particular. It was quiet out here with no one around, or at least no one he could see.

Bright blue eyes looked off at nothing while he though about music. He didn't know what he was going to do after high school but it was always nice to imagine. He could just picture himself singing, and maybe doing that for a living. Just singing his songs, writing more, maybe even going on tours.

There would be a lot of people around but in his little world of pretend that kind of thing didn't even matter. He even smiled at the though, something that way kind of rare.

Finally moving, he picked up his guitar, ready to play a song, Nate managed to strum a few notes but before he could actually sing, a object fell near him. The carefree, relaxed attitude was gone and Nate just stared, through the trees looking to see who or what was there.

He picked up the object near him [[notebook or something?]] only to see a picture of himself. Looking up when he heard a twig snap and a string of curse words, Nate looked a little confused until he saw a familiar face.

"Harlow?" he called out before standing up. Her notebook in one hand and his guitar in the other. He had met her before and she seemed nice enough but he didn't quite get why she was here just watching him and apparently drawing him too.

[harlow rochelle smith]

Harlow wasn't too sure what she would do after high school. Hell, she didn't figure that she would last this long, even if she was a little better off comparatively to some of her peers. Not economically, but level-wise. She didn't outright say that she had a problem, nor did she deny it. She didn't say much at all, really.

But there were some people that had managed to get a few words out of her. Clyde, Summer, Belle, Chance, and even Nate. They were all in different contexts, different situations, but they had taken the time. They didn't just leave her as incorrigible.

Harlow's eyebrows were currently furrowed towards the center. Stupid bloody flimsy little notebook. Her usual one was a lot thicker, so it probably would have fallen to the ground with a loud plop, but not moved an inch. Hearing her name being called out, she sighed in resignation and took a few more steps forward.

"Hey, Nate," she greeted, stopping by a tree and leaning against it, as she remembered that he was a fan of his space. "I meant to leave that there, didn't want to bother you and all, but... well, mother nature had other ideas." She offered him a small grin, before quirking a brow as she noted his confusion too. Oh, right, the portrait. "You can tear it up if you don't like it. I think I have a lighter in my pocket... I know it's my product, but it is essentially you. So, how 'bout it?"

[nathaniel shane thomas]

Just standing there for a moment after calling out her name, Nate glanced back at the picture. Was that suppose to be him? He just stared at it for another moment. It really was quite well done for a sketch.. and he looked so content just sitting there, almost with a smile on his face. Was that really what it looked like? Well it must if since she drew it that way.

Looking back up, he watched her move forward and took a step toward her. He knew her now so he was less likely to be quite as reluctant to get too close. He looked back at the drawing with curiosity and interest after she said hey. It really was quite good and she drew this? Well, she was talented that was for sure but why would she draw him? He wasn't all that interesting to look at, at least he didn't think so.

Then she talked about destroying it. "No," Nate said with such certainty about his decision. He had even surprised himself at how quickly he responded and how sure he was about this. "Nah, keep it," he told her, moving forward and holding it out to her to take. He still had a question though. "Why'd you do that?" he asked, wondering why she would draw him just sitting there.

[harlow rochelle smith]

Harlow was a visual artist. She had a pretty good imagination, yes, but her mind worked like a camera and sometimes she just wanted to capture the moment exactly as it was. So seeing Nate in his natural state, smiling even, that was something nice to work on. The brunette was pretty modest about her skills, but this one turned out rather well. Maybe it had more to do with her subject than her own skills though.

She noticed that he took a step forward, so she hadn't startled him as badly as she thought she would. He seemed intrigued by the picture, so that was a good thing, right? Harlow could never be too sure with people, but she toyed with her bottom lip lightly in anticipation. It wouldn't break her spirit if he asked her to destroy it; it was just a piece of paper. But when he asked her not to, and it almost sounded like a statement more than an answer, that made her smile a bit.

So Harlow took the notebook back into her possession, thinking that was that. But it wasn't. At his question, she brought her hand up to tuck some of her hair behind her ear. "Why not?" she countered, though she knew that wasn't a real answer. "There's a certain beauty in the simple things, Nate. Plus, the lighting was nice and you looked like you were a million miles away from this place." Hugging the notebook to her chest, she curved a brow as she added, "How 'bout you? Why'd you want me to keep it, then?" She realized then in that moment that she didn't know much about him, and for all she knew, he could be discharged soon. "You're not planning on going anywhere, are you?" Her voice was a bit more quieter, not sure why the answer mattered, or even if it did. Nate was just a stranger, after all.

[nathaniel shane thomas]

Nate was still a boy of very few words. He had spoken to her but it was still being kept to a minimum. If you didn't talk too much then it gave people fewer reasons to stick around for too long. It was something that he had learned and so far it had served him well.

The boy looked up at her. He stayed relatively still, his blue eyes seemed a lot more focused as the curiosity took over. He was curious to know why anyone would chose to draw this. It did make a good picture though, he couldn't deny that but he did wonder just a little. Nate couldn't see why anyone should show any interest in him. He had spent a lot of time pushing them away so it seemed odd to him that anyone would ever want to talk to him, to hear him sing, to draw a sketch of him. He was just the quiet teenager in the corner with his eyes on the floor and nothing to say.

"I was," he said, thinking about it. He had a habit of finding a quiet space and then just drifting off, getting lost in whatever thoughts should surface at the time. It was easier than pushing past him problems and over coming his fears. It was just the easy way out for him.

He looked up, lips parted ready to explain but he didn't have the words for it. He looked away again for a moment before looking back up at her. "You're really good," he told her. She had done good work, why would he want her to destroy it and have all of that be wasted? Where was the point in doing such a thing?

"Where would I go?" he said. Nate rarely said too much. He could have a conversation if he was in the mood to, just like he had been with Clyde and Harlow but right now, Nate was as quiet as he was every other time.

He hadn't given her much of an answer, just something else to think about and perhaps leave her with more questions. To him it said enough. Where would he go? Nate wasn't terribly eager to leave Hawthorne. It wasn't the best place to be but any place going to be? He highly doubted it.

[harlow rochelle smith]

Harlow wasn't too bothered by Nate's distance (both physically and emotionally), nor his few words. In fact, it was nice. Sometimes she liked to hear herself think inside her head and she couldn't very well do that with someone chattering away next to her, could she? Or maybe it just had something to do with trust. Being screwed over so many times had her keeping people at arm's length. It was easier, though not necessarily the best thing to do. But around Nate, she didn't feel like she had to throw her walls up. He wasn't a threat.

They were more alike than either of them thought. Maybe that also frightened Harlow a little, that someone could actually 'get her,' and it might have caused her to cut their first meeting short (along with his obvious signs of discomfort). She drew him because she could, but there were other reasons. Little ones, really. He was a looker, mysterious, and distant. All qualities that she also found in herself.

She nodded gently at his affirmation, deciding not to say anything else about it. Some things were better left unsaid. But she was a little more curious about his next response, wondering if she had finally pushed him too far. Instead, he complimented her. "Yeah?" she asked with a curved brow, before licking her lips as she added, "Thanks."

It was strange to her that she almost seemed concerned about his future whereabouts. Not because they couldn't be friends, where it would come naturally, but... it was just unexpected. His response caused her lips to curl into an understanding lopsided smile. "I know what you mean." Unlike most people here, Harlow missed her hometown terribly, but she didn't mind being here. It was better than being home. Different location, same problem and all.

Then again, she didn't really know his problem, nor did he seem to know hers, and they seemed to get along just fine without preconceived notions; at least, so far.

[nathaniel shane thomas]

Nate was hardly a threat to anyone. The boy was afraid of actual physical contact and he barely said much at all. He was about as dangerous and furniture.. Or more accurately, child-safe furniture without the hard edges. He did have the potential to snap though. A lot of people here did but Nate hadn't done it yet and he was unlikely to. If anything upsets him he closes up and shrinks away to avoid the conflict so snapping and fighting back was highly unlikely.

It was strange though. Usually Nate was affected by the anxiety when he was around people. He was always afraid that something was going to happen and he would have his guards up because of it. Even around Clyde and everyone else, Nate was never able to relax too much but for some reason, today was different.

harlow wasn't saying terribly much either and she was just letting the silence fall without letting it get too awkward or uncomfortable and Nate appreciated that. It was nice to be able to be around someone who didn't except you to always fill in the blanks and keep the conversation going. There were less expectations and it made this a lot more comfortable.

Nate just nodded when she looked to him for confirmation. She was good and he could appreciate the effort that went into it. nate had music, he wrote his songs and he sang them so he could appreciate that she had her own interests and worked hard at it so why destroy that? It was be senseless and a waste.

Nate hadn't thought too much about what he said. It was just an honest reaction to her question but when he looked up all he saw was that smile and it confused him for a second until she spoke. He found himself smiling just a bit, the barest hint of one from what she had said. She understood and that was nice. Not a lot of people understood him or even bothered to try.

He could go home but he doubted there would be much of a reason to. things weren't going to change at all, not unless he found some magical cure. So far the only things that seemed to eliminate his fears were a too high dose of medication which only left him barely able to function or alcohol which was just the wrong choice for a boy whose mother enjoyed a good drink far too often. Nate wasn't going to go down that road if he could help it but he had no other options either, except perhaps talking about it and getting the help he needed.

"Are you gonna stay a while?" he asked, wondering if she wanted to stay and talk or perhaps not talk. She was good company and Nate rarely offered to let anyone stay but he didn't mind too much right now. He didn't know what it was but he didn't mind her company at all.

[harlow rochelle smith]

For a while in her life, alcohol would help her numb the circumstances going on around her. It drowned her mother's screams and demeaning remarks. It helped her forget what her modeling manager had wanted her to do for a photo shoot, disregarding her dignity. Even after a breakup, it was that extra little push to go on with her life, even though it seemed like she was stuck in a vicious cycle where she would up bitter like her mother. When that wasn't enough, she turned to drugs. At first, it was recreational, but then it was like life support. You knew you were as good as dead if you pulled it, but you were hardly functioning as it was. So it all came down to the better of two evils.

Harlow didn't have a problem with silence. She also didn't have a problem with people, but it was easy to feel alone in a room full of strangers. Out here in the woods with Nate, however, she didn't feel that way. He was there. He didn't say much, but he didn't have to.

Her smile was misplaced, but then again, she liked to find the irony in the little things. It was like life was this big joke, just waiting to be discovered and picked apart. She analyzed things to death sometimes, and other times, she could care less. Outwardly, the Brit hardly showed any inclination towards one thing or another, so her smile towards Nate was a special occasion of sorts.

"Are you gonna stay a while?"

The brunette turned her head towards him at his question, watching him for a moment. Harlow was constantly moving. It might have something to do with her cravings, or just her adrenaline junkie side, but it also had to do with keeping her from getting too attached to any one person or thing. Yet she didn't mind being here. With him.

"Yeah," she heard herself saying, a little softer than usual, but loud enough to be carried in the wind. "Yeah, okay. Sure." Licking her lips, she added, "You sort of had me at bleeding love... I might've heard a bit of that while I was lurking. Sorry." Though the look on her face wasn't apologetic at all. She was guilty as charged.

[nathaniel shane thomas]

It wasn't often that he would find someone who seemed to actually be fairly comfortable with the silence that often surrounded him. Not once did Harlow complain about it and Nate had half expected her to by now, because anyone else would have already.

It was good though, being able to just be there for a while. He got so used to being alone but company was nice to have every now and then but that's only if the person didn't push you to talk every five seconds. This just added to it the reasons why Nate was starting to find that he didn't mind being around Harlow so much.

Nate smiled when she said yeah. A hand moved to the back of his neck for a moment as he took in another breath. What now, was the all important question. It wasn't like he could promise her a ton of fun if she stuck around. Nate's smile widened when she mentioned the song. "Yeah it's an easy one to sing, I don't even have to think about it," he admitted. "I could play you a couple of songs if you'd like," he told her. It'd be something for them to do and he didn't really need sheet music if he could find the right notes.. Or hell, he could just sign it without his guitar like he had before.