Lost Her Place Again [Open]

[anna sofia nickerson]

Anna sat on the bed in her new room, her feet brushing against the floor as she hummed the tune to one of her favorite songs. Little Boxes by Malvina Reynolds. She liked that song. It made her feel good. With all the boxes all the same.. Sometimes she wished she could be the same. Usually those were the times when she was on her medication and actually lucid enough to form coherent thoughts. It was then that she realized she was different, otherwise it wouldn't worry her at all.

Sometimes she would wonder if it was better when she was off her medication. She could just be free and happy in her own way. It didn't matter what was right or wrong about her, she would always think it was okay.. except when the bad people came. The old man worried her the most. He would just stand far away and watch and she didn't like it at all. Sigrid wasn't very nice either but she was honest and Anna knew that.

Sigrid would tell her things and call her names and make her doubt herself but Tom would help her. He was nice. Tom would never say a harsh word about anyone but sometimes she would wonder if he was all lies. Other than them were the voices and they weren't easy to predict, They would tell her things and sometimes it scared her but even when she ran away they would be there. The only times she might feel safe from them is when her dad was there to hold her and tell her they weren't real, that they would go away and they always did in the end.

All in all it was a scary world and one filled with little boxes made out of ticky tacky. Anna stared up at the ceiling, humming her song, her ballet slippers brushing against the floor, making light shuffling noises to go with the music in her head. It was nice when it was just a song and not the voices. Sometimes they would interrupt but that was rude that was rude and she would tell them.. Just.. like.. right.. now..

"You mustn't speak, it's impolite," she said out loud, still staring at the ceiling before continuing her little song but she found she had lost her place so all at once the humming and the shuffling of feet all stopped and Anna stayed very still, eyes still fixed on the ceiling above her.

[rosalieberlioz]

rosalie stalked across hawthorne's common, heading toward the west wing dorms, worries on her mind. she had just tried to find her boyfriend, rudy -- was he her boyfriend? everything was... difficult with him. they had fought not too long ago, and had said their apologies just after, but she still felt things were... off. she couldn't find him on this cloudy, miserable day, and she wondered if things would be alright between the two of them. he had been her best friend ever since she arrived at hawthorne. always there for her. of course she had fallen for him, it was nearly inevitable. she just wondered if he felt the same way.

rosie pulled the scan card out of her cute, small owl purse and ran it trough the scanner. she heard it ring a positive ding and the doors unlocked with a crack. she made her way inside and up the first flight of stairs, the sound of her chuck taylors sounding loud and pronounced on the hard concrete stairs. the dorms were quiet today, president's day vacation had allowed some kids to vacation to the nearby attractions of south haven, maine. rosie had wanted to stay at hawthorne. a quiet week of relaxing and, hopefully, hanging out with rudy and hope sounded best for her. she didn't need to go off partying in some rinky dink new england town.

she grabbed her dorm room keys out of her bag and shoved them inside the key hole, stopping when, suddenly, she heard a voice come from inside. you musn't speak, it's impolite. rosie blinked, unsure of who could be in there. she didn't have a roommate... to her knowledge. the administration must have given her one without telling her, no one but her had the keys to the dorm. she unlocked it and opened the door hesitantly, peering inside to see her new roomie. she saw a younger looking girl with pretty curly hair, and a sweet looking face. she smiled, glad to see it wasn't some tattooed up girl with a million pierces who reeked of drugs. "hi! i'm rosie!" she said enthusiastically, her thick, buoyant french accent filling the small dorm. "i'm your roommate."

she hustled into the dorm, putting her purse on her bed and taking off her shoes on the furnace where they could dry. she looked around the dorm quickly, seeing no one else in there. who had she been talking to? rosie hoped she wasn't an...odd ball. maybe she had been on the phone, or she could've heard it coming from some nearby dorm. the girl looked kind enough, maybe a little younger than herself, but who cared? rosie's old roommate had left hawthorne, and she was glad she wasn't alone anymore. a new friend could take her mind off of rudolph, if that was even possible. the boy was always on her mind.

words, four hundred ninety one
outfit, click.
tagged, anna nickerson
notes, hi! c:

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[anna sofia nickerson]

Anna stared quietly, enjoying the silence. Usually something would appear just to distract her but right now there was only the sound of a key in the door. She ignored it for now. When she heard the voice, Anna turned slowly. She has a French accent and she seemed nice. Anyone who smiled seemed nice.

French was a language Anna knew. She was from Canada and although for her, English was her first language, she knew French as well. Her parents used to speak it when they didn't want her to understand but she learned it in school and she picked it up fast enough. Sometimes she would pretend she didn't know what they were saying. Anna was sure they preferred it that way and it was surprising what you could learn if you just stayed quiet and listened.

"Je m'appelle Anna. Je suis enchantée de faire votre connaissance," she said, giving the girl her name and telling her it was nice to meet her. Anna wouldn't lie about that of course, it was nice to meet this girl, her room mate, who she would sharing a room with for a while. It was all very polite and proper thus far and Anna liked that. The girl, Rosie, seemed nice enough.

When the girl moved further into the room, Anna looked back up at the ceiling, her small feet brushing lightly against the wooden floor again. She didn't hum this time though, she had company.

The were back though, they were curious about that girl. Anna only wanted them to leave her alone but they wouldn't. The asked questions and they said things, things they couldn't know, how did they know?

"You can't ask her and I won't," she said, head turning around as though she was talking to someone behind her. She didn't know where they were but the voices always sounded like they came form behind her. Only Sigrid and Tom and that creepy old man were actually visible to her. Turning back she glanced down at the floor, choosing to stare that that for a while.

[rosalieberlioz]

rosie was shocked when the girl spoke french to her. she definitely hadn't expected that. the french did not sound as if it orginated from france, but rosie recognized the tone. "canadian?" rosie asked, smiling. "C'est très agréable de vous rencontrer, aussi!" rosie watched her as she turned her head back up toward the ceiling, staring aimlessly at the blank white surface. " a little weird..." she thought, but she pushed away her judgement. she still had no idea who this girl was, maybe she just like looking up at the ceiling. no big deal, right?

rosie walked swiftly to her bed and sat down on her big striped orange and white comforter. "so, what are you at hawthorne for? if you don't mind me asking," she said awkwardly, figuring that'd start a conversation. "i have... an eating disorder," she finished, hoping she'd be comfortable telling her. rosie had always been a little bit awkward. growing up chubby had destroyed her self esteem, and she though anorexia had been the way out. she still struggled with it. hawthorne wasn't really helping, the environment was infectious with people who still endorsed their issues. had anyone ever been cured here? rosie could only wonder.

you can't ask her and i won't, anna said. rosie blinked, astonished. "w-what?" she asked, confused. what did she mean by that? who was she talking to. rosie stared hard at the girl, finding her looking down now instead of the ceiling. okay, she had definitely been placed with... someone a little off. okay, she could get used to it. she hadn't been around many... off people, but she was flexible. she seemed normal enough. she spoke french, which was awesome. she smiled in attempt to be nice, her eyes showing a little more emotion than they should. she sat up quickly, digging through her purse and fishing out chapstick. as she applied the balm, she snuck a peek at her new roomie. she hoped she wasn't too crazy.

words, three hundred forty eight.
outfit, click.
tagged, anna nickerson

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[anna sofia nickerson]

Anna just smiled when the girl spoke. She nodded when asked if she was Canadian. She had lived there all her life until coming here where things were quite different but Anna was adjusting well enough. It took time but she knew she would be fine. She had a father after all and he would take care of her, he always did. It was sad how some of the students didn't have that with their parents. Some of them just seemed so angry.

"I'm here because I had to move," she said, not focused enough to answer the question properly. She was a smart girl but her thoughts were so jumbled up that it was difficult to make sense of even the most obvious of things. When the girl said she had an eating disorder, Anna stayed silent, it made sense and she could understand what was being asked but Anna's mind was else where and it was taking her a little longer to come back around to the question and answer it.

"They never listen to me," Anna told the girl, finally looking back up at her, her hands now playing with the material of her dress. She didn't want to get into trouble. People didn't like it when she talked sometimes, the looked confused because they couldn't see what she saw and she never knew until it was too late or until they said something. Sometimes, she wouldn't even believe them, she didn't know when she should.

"I have schizophrenia," she said, finally telling the girl why she was here before looking to her side again, her right hand gripped her left arm and she sat quietly before humming her song again, this time with no shuffling feet. It only lasted a few seconds before she stopped.

"Why don't you eat?" she asked, looking at the girl with curiosity. She didn't mean to be rude but sometimes she just didn't think about these things too carefully. The girl was quite thin and she had an eating disorder. Anna only wanted to know why and if she didn't ask a direct question she might forget and become distracted and then she would never know. It was always best to get to the point.

[rosalieberlioz]

rosie bit her lip as she gazed at anna, a light smile coming over the girl's face. she looked so young and innocent. rosie reflected on the fact that the girl knew french - this was wonderful. she spoke french with hope and rudy sometimes, but rudy used an online translator and hope's french was a little rusty. she'd be able to talk to anna in her beautiful, native language, which sounded just glorious to her. rosie loved and missed france with an incredible amount of emotion, the language was so pure and lovely in her ears. like the sweetest melody. her favorite song playing over and over again.

i'm here cause i had to move, anna said. rosie blinked, confused. did she have an issue? every student at hawthorne was classified into a group. she wondered where anna fit. she had heard of students coming here just because there parents couldn't stand them, who had no real problems and were just here for the ride. rosie didn't think anna was one of these kids. she was too sweet looking for anyone to hate. but then again, rosie knew nothing about her. she had to remind herself to get to know her before she made any impressions on anna.

rosie tilted her head and furrowed her eyebrows at anna, wondering who she could be possibly talking about. "who never listens to you? your parents?" she asked, confused. and then rosie heard it, anna's problem. she had never really been around kids with schizophrenia, but she supposed it'd be an interesting ride. it explained anna's slight oddities. rosie could get used to it! "oh, schizophrenia. what risk level are you at? i'm medium risk," she said, smiling a little at anna. they could be find friends, she decided then. rosie was open minded, at least anna wasn't a murderer or an alcoholic. rosie wouldn't know what to do if she had a roomie that was sloshed all the time. she'd probably switch rooms. she hoped schizophrenia wasn't too bad.

rosie's heart quickened as the girl asked her next question. she had never been too open about her issues - she got hurt easily, and being ridiculed wasn't something she handled very well. she remembered one time, in hawthorne's infamous online chat, jeffree collins had found out her problem and made fun of her for it. that night hope and rudy had tried to make her feel better, but she had been miserable for days. she hesitated and she gazed at anna. this girl wouldn't make fun of her. she relaxed and opened up. "i just feel... fat. i'm not perfect. my hips are huge. i don't know why i do it... i guess i just never feel skinny. or pretty." she sighed, her mouth wobbling as if she were about to cry. she took a deep breath and cleared her head. if felt good to tell someone. she could see a friendship with anna. she smiled a little hoping she didn't seem too pathetic.

words, five hundred twelve
outfit, click
tagged, anna nickerson.

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[anna sofia nickerson]

Anna pulled a hand to her head, running her hand through her hair just a little. "No, no.. My parents listen to me.. Mom's gone now but she hears me and dad's really nice. He always listens," he told her. Not quite getting to the point of just who didn't listen to her until a moment later.

Her parents had been great and even though it was just her and her dad now, it was still alright. moving here had been a big change but they were doing alright. He always made sure she was going to be okay and Anna knew it. She knew how much he cared and it was nice to have family, especially when things got complicated to scary, he was always there to help her.

"the voices that i hear.. they don't listen when i tell them to stop," she told her. "the pills make them all go away but then Tom won't help me if I take them. I took it though, I'm getting better now," she told her, probably confusing her even more. Tom wasn't real but he was good, not like Sigrid, she spoke her mind and sometimes it wasn't very nice and the voices.. Well, they could be both good and bad, it was really hard to predict what would happen next or what they might say to her.

Anna tilted her head and looked at the girl. She seemed nice. "You should know.. I don't like bananas.. The lights are all wrong," she told her, staring up at Rosie with bright innocent eyes. It made perfect sense to her but Anna couldn't see that others might not make the same leap as her and understand it. She just thought of things in a very different way, associating thoughts and ordering them in a different way than most other people.

It was why some would think it weird when she told them things. They just didn't understand how her mind worked and apparently that was wrong. It was broken somehow and she should have it fixed. Those pills were suppose to do that, they made everything go away but the world felt funny and wrong and different. It just wasn't the same to her and she wasn't sure what to think of it.

"I'm.. I'm," Anna began when she was asked what her risk level was. When she was told that Rosie was at a medium risk level, she knew what was being asked. "Oh, me too," she told her.

Anna looked up at the girl. She thought she was fat? She wasn't though. Why would she think that if she wasn't? No, she must have a different idea of what it was to be fat.

"You're thin and you're very pretty," Anna told her with a smile. It was her honest opinion so she thought she should share it. The medicine they gave was starting to take effect just a little but Anna's mind was still some where in between coherent and incomprehensible.

[rosalieberlioz]

rosie did not know much about schizophrenia. she reminded herself to research it once she got a free moment, just so she could learn how to deal with it. anna seemed incredibly nice and kind, rosie wouldn't judge her on her problem - they all had problems. she found it funny when people made fun of each other for their problems at this school. it wasn't like there were some kids who were normal and some her were messed up. everyone at hawthorne was messed up. psychos, torturers, drug addicts, alcoholics... each and every student who attended hawthorne wasn't perfect. if only some people could realize that.

as anna mentioned her parents, she thought about her own. she didn't have a real father, just a step father - but he made up for it tremendously. rosie knew most kids hated their step parents, but the man her mother married was a generous, kind man. he never treated rosie like she wasn't his own child. rosie wondered if her real father would've loved her the same way. she hardly knew him. the stories her mother told consisted of a man who loved his work far too much to spend any time with his family. rosie would have never moved to america if it wasn't for her step father, and she probably would have never been enrolled into hawthorne. when she had first arrived at hawthorne, she had been terrified of all the very messed up students. but she had met some people who she would never forget, people they would stay in her heart to the grave. rudy especially. she nearly swooned at the though of his name, but reminded herself that she had company.

the voices i hear... they don't listen when i tell them to stop, anna said. rosie put two and two together. she figured schizophrenia involved hearing voices that weren't there. "i could help you take your pills, if you'd like," rosie said kindly, offering her help. rosie was a helper, a natural born one. she liked to help people with their issues. it made her feel that, someday, someone would return the favor and help her. but so far, she hadn't found that person - not even rudy understood, though he tried. hope had an eating disorder, but she never spoke about it with hope. she tilted her head at anna, wondering if, somehow, this girl would be interested about her problems. maybe someday.

you should know i don't like bananas... the lights are all wrong. rosie furrowed her eyebrows at this. what could that possibly mean? she sat up quickly, gazing at her new roommate. so it would take a little getting used to - the odd antics, the 'voices'. but at least she wasn't paired with a murderer or a drug addict. rosie would have to switch dorms if she was paired with a person like that. she smiled a little at anna when she told her she was a medium risk student, too. at least she was not high risk, she though gratefully to herself.

rosie blushed when anna complimented her. no one really ever did, she felt butterflies run up her stomach. not even her mother, or rudy. sure, he told her she was pretty, but she had never been told she was thin. she looked down at her stomach, fitting her hand around it and squeezing softly. she still felt fat, but anna's compliment made her buzz inside. maybe she could get better here at hawthorne, after all. "thank you," she said sincerely, her eyes full of warmth. she could tell this was going to be a great adventure. her roommate was sweet and kind, and that's all she needed - a friend who saw her for who she really was. rosie felt as if she were glowing inside.

words , six hundred forty six
outfit , click
tags, anna nickerson

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[anna sofia nickerson]

Anna's case really wasn't too bad. She had medication that she could take to help but she didn't always like to talk them. It flipped her little world around and although she could understand and explain herself a lot better, it still wasn't the same. She saw things she didn't want to see and the world, it was just different to what she was used to and what she knew best, it was just as scary as her own reality.

"No, I'll take them. I have to," she said, sounding confidant about the need to actually take them. She might not want to but she knew it was best if she did, it just took a while to actually help her but Anna knew how it worked at this school, you had to do it because they were just trying to help and it wouldn't be fair to say no. It wouldn't be fair at all.

Anna just smiled when Rosie thanked her. The thing about her little lost state of mind was that, Anna was exceedingly honest. She said what she thought and although what she thought was just a little off-center, she still spoke her mind so if she thought that Rosie was in fact thing and was actually pretty, she would say so. There was just no point in keeping it to herself, at least none that she was able to see.

Talking the medication and normalizing was just plain weird. It was like her own mind was going down different paths and things were making sense in a very different way. There was no hop, skip and a jump to get to where you could understand the girl, if that was even possible.