all i said was goodbye [ chance ]

[chance joseph wilson]

"Yeah..." he said "That's what I'm hopin' for," he told her with the same smile. She seemed to look a bit lost. Like this was some new crazy idea and she had never been asked out before or something. Chance was sure she had though. Pretty girl like her was bound to have been asked out a couple of times. It was just inevitable really.

The smile faltered when she began saying no but something about it wasn't right. She wasn't really saying no to him, just no in general. Chance was sure he hadn't said anything wrong or done anything to make completely opposed to the idea, that and she hadn't pulled her hand away. Holding hers properly in his, he spoke again, "You can't or you won't?" he asked in a softer tone, not trying to be mean, just needing to clarify.

"It would just be dinner and movie or something and if you don't want to do it again you won't have to," he told her. She had the choice to say no but he hoped she wouldn't so instead he just held her hand and looked at her with those blue guys, waiting for an answer.

[ruby2]

Hannah felt kind of stupid after realizing what she had said after he asked her out on a date. She described it like she was some little virgin church girl who's sworn to the nunnery and to never run off with a guy/man and that her heart belonged to God and God only. Or was it Jesus? No, pretty sure it's God. She probably looked like a doe-eyed Bambi right about now. And she probably was one considering she's never been asked out before. Other than that stupid football quarterback. Which didn't really count considering they never actually went on that date. But nonetheless, he had asked, and she had fallen for him. What a stupid stupid little girl. She had never ever once been on a date- proper or not. She's never actually been to dinner with a guy one on one before. Always a bunch of guys and most likely the best pizza joint around the town. She's never actually even gone to a dance before. Never would have had the guts to go stag. She didn't even have friends to go with for Pete's sake. No one ever asked her. All the guys would ask the triplets, and when they turn the guys down, they go look for the next best thing. Which, in that case wasn't her. She was last best thing. And by the time they're done finding the next best thing, there was no guy left for her.

And so, all through junior high, freshman and sophomore year, Hannah would be in her room, shoving Ben&Jerry's cookie dough ice cream down her throat, watching some sad chick flick like Titanic, cry her eyes out, and eat more Ben&Jerry's. But now that she's a little more grown up, tougher, stronger, and cold hearted, dances were just a pesky little thing teenagers like to go to. And while she longed for someone to put a corsage on her hand, she knew that relationships never last. Especially not school dance dates. Dates were off limits in her book. Dates were for people who know better about the other. You only go on dates if you stay at a place longer than a month, tops. Hannah had Noah to worry about. Date wasn't something that she could handle. Especially dates with football stars. They all end up wanting someone prettier, sluttier, ditzier, bobble head-er, and just generally more Barbie like. When they realize you're no longer the best, they would ditch you in a matter of milliseconds.

Not to mention the fact that she was just plain weird. Her condition made her paralyzed. Sometimes her knees would give out and fall. Sometimes her fingers couldn't even pick up a piece of paper. Sometimes she couldn't see the things around her. Sometimes she'd black out out of nowhere and no explanation as to why. When she was needed in the Therapy Rooms, it was usually for psychotherapy, where they try to make her talk and that it could maybe relieve the stress or the problem. They think that if the dispose of this "problem" or "anxiety" or "depression" or "mental health issue" that she has, the disorder would go away. But Hannah can't talk. Wouldn't talk to them about it. Because if they ever told them what was bothering her.... well it wasn't going to be pretty. They'd keep her here forever. Or maybe in an asylum. Or jail. She couldn't possibly be at any of these three places for a long period of time. She can't leave Noah to fend for himself. Well he had the drug dealer, and soon Isaac, but that didn't count. They weren't his father. Nor were they his mother. Hannah would blame herself for the rest of her life if they took him away from her or the other way around. She was not going to let that happen. She'd rather have this disorder for the rest of her life. But this disorder would cause a lot of burden to those who care enough about her. Which, really, was just Isaac. She had shared the most about her life with him. He understood. Knew how to make her feel better. He figured out how to help her and Noah. He was lending her the helping hand that she's always needed, but never took.

She hesitated when he asked her the question. "I...." She trailed off. If she said can't, then he'd try to figure out a way that would allow her to go on a date with him. If she said won't, it'd break his heart, but he'd give up on her. But the real question was: Did she have a cold enough heart to break his? Did she want to break his heart? Did she want to hurt the one person that made her feel gorgeous? Did she want to lose him? The answer to all of the questions were no. A definite no. But she wanted him to give up on her. She didn't want him to know more about her because she knew that he wasn't going to like everything about her. He would hate her. His heart would break. And so would hers. If she said no now, the broken hearts would heal faster. It would hurt less. She would have pushed him and jumped after him from the fourth floor and hit the firemen patch cloth thing. If she agreed to the date, and he decided to leave and run away, they would've both been jumping off a twenty story building and hitting the cold, hard cement, dead the second they hit the ground. Was she willing to risk falling in love? No. But did she want to? Definitely.

"It would just be dinner and movie or something and if you don't want to do it again you won't have to." He gave her the choice. The choice that she didn't want to decide in the first place. But he, at least, gave her another option. But if she fell as fast and hard as she did a couple of years ago, she'd fall just as fast and just as hard now. If not more. If they have one hell of a first date (and this is just wishful thinking), then they'd want more. And when he runs away like Hannah knows he would, the pain would be so unbearable that jumping off a twenty story building would hurt less. And after a long period of silence from her, she spoke. "I..... I.... I can't." She told him truthfully despite the fact that she knew she should have said won't. "But...." She trailed off, taking in a big gulp of air. "But.......I'm just going to say this once. I'mwillingtogiveyouoneshot,butoneshotonlyandit'sjustonedateandonedateonlyunderstand? Idon'twantyoutogetyourhopesupthinkingthatwewouldgoonaseconddate,butthatwouldnothappenwhatsoever. So..... yeah." She mumbled quickly, not really sure Chance caught it. But if he didn't. His lost cause there was no frickin way that she would repeat what she had just said. She wasn't really believing she had said what she had said at all.

[chance joseph wilson]

Hannah seemed sweet. She was quiet and just stared at him all wide eyed and innocent and yeah, Chance had a weakness for that kind of thing. To have it all in one person wasn't something that happened too often so he had to ask her out. He didn't want to push it too much. He could just keep talking to her and maybe change her mind if she was still persistent about not going out with him. After all, she wasn't acting all angry about it so he could still hope that she might go for it.

'I..'. It was all she said and Chance looked up at her with anticipation, waiting to see what her answer would be. She might have been all doe eyed and sweet but he definitely had the puppy dog eyes going. Maybe Marilyn had been right to make the comparison. He was like a golden retriever, looking up at her waiting to see if she would give him his chew toy or put it on a really high shelf.

Chance just stared up at her when she said she couldn't. She couldn't go out with him? Had did done something wrong? It was just a date, just an evening where they could talk, laugh, get to know each other better and see where that left them. Then there was the 'but' and he listened in though she spoke so fast that Chance just stared blankly at her for a moment as he tried to make sense of all the words that just came at him like a freight train.

It would be one date only. He could live with that. It was his chance to make it the best date she had ever been on and to maybe change her mind about it. He wouldn't hope for a second because she said not to, instead he would put in the work to earn a second date. That was just how things worked with chance.

"Yeah," he said, sitting up a little straighter, not sure how this was going to go. Then he smiled at her, the same warm smile as before. Sure she had her doubts but he would make the most of it anyway. "One date. I can live with that," he told her. Her hand was still in his and if she didn't pull away then he wouldn't either, instead he just rubbed it gently. "Thanks," he said and it was a first. Thanking someone for saying yes to a date? Yeah nice one Chance. "Sorry, that was kinda lame," he said, realizing it probably sounded kind of stupid but he smiled anyway.

[ruby2]

Hannah knew that Chance was nothing like the other football jerk, but she couldn't help but think that she had just set up her own death trap, and she just fell for it. Again. Years, she's warned herself to not fall in love because in the end, guys will still be guys. The first thing they'll ever do is run away when they find out you have a kid. She knew she was making a huge mistake. No, a huge mistake would be spilling her whole life story to Isaac. A huge mistake is not what described this situation. A huge mistake would be an understatement in this situation. This..... this was going to be the end of her. All thanks to her. Stupid stupid Hannah.

But this time, she finally noticed Chance's actions and expressions as she responded. He was on the verge of his seat, anticipating her answer. She smiled at that. He looked like her two year old son, bouncing on his seat, waiting for her to give him his birthday present or Christmas present. Chance looked so...... adorable. She wanted to climb over that table and pinch his cheeks. But she won't. First being that he'd think she's weird. Second, other people would think she's weird. And third, she'd make a total fool out of herself. And those puppy dog eyes of him. She couldn't take it. She had to look away.

Look away before she fell for him even more than she had already fallen. If that was even possible in the first place... She might as well just shoot an arrow through her heart herself. Although.... despite the fact that she knew she was going to get hurt in the end, she still agreed to a date. Just one.

She had told him not to get his hopes up because she didn't want to get hers up there too. Hannah wanted to be able to take herself out of this fine line they call love before she was half way through and can't turn back. She didn't know what to expect and what she should expect. All she knew was that she had better drop in a tonne of pillows down at the bottom of the ledge before he pushes her over. This way, she'll be ready for the pain and landing.

This time, she just hoped that he wouldn't end up making out with another girl. In her dorm. Or just with another person in general. She wouldn't be able to take it a second time. It had hurt enough the second time. And the fact that Chance was nothing like him and that he was nicer and sweeter, it would mean that it'd hurt that much more. Hannah prayed that there wouldn't be someone better. That he wouldn't ditch her for someone else. Someone prettier and nicer and sweeter and better. Like Summer or Hope or...... someone

"One date. I can live with that." He told her, a warm smile on his face. God he was just so...... fuckable right now but she had to control herself. Because one, Chance might not be into it. Second, she might scare him away. And third, Chance might not be into it. He rubbed his thumb against the back of her hands, and it was then that she realized she hadn't pulled away. She stared dumbly at it, not sure what to make of it. Why hadn't she pulled away? Better yet, when did he even put her hand in his? Oh. Right, a while ago. So..... why didn't she pull away yet, again?

This was so confusing. This electricity running through her veins felt so foreign. It scared her. But this same electricity had ran through her when Isaac touched her. So..... did that mean that she somehow have feelings for Isaac too? Did Isaac make her feel good and beautiful the way Chance did? A little, but Isaac did make her feel safe and loved. Isaac made her feel less hate towards herself. But Chance...... well Chance made her speechless.

"Thanks, ....." Was he thanking her for giving him one date? She smiled brightly at him, her whole body beaming. She shook her head, a small smile bubbling out of her. "No, it's okay." She assured, the smile still on her face. She looked like a fool. "And you are very welcome."

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[chance joseph wilson]

It was all happening pretty quickly. Chance hadn't had to work this hard for a date before but then she wasn't much like any of the girls he had dated. Still, as put together and Chance might seem most of the time, Hannah kind of threw him off his game a bit. He didn't know why or what it was but there was just something about her that made him smile.

He could have just sat there all annoyed or just plain angry, hating the world and looking generally unapproachable but he wasn't. Being around her made him not want to do that and it was nice. He didn't want to put a name to it just yet so instead he just went right along with it.

She was smiling now though so maybe that silly thing he said wasn't so bad after all. At least they were getting somewhere though but now that he had finally got that date, he figured he shouldn't take up too much more of her time. "Should I go? I mean, I don't wanna keep you from studying or anything," he said, leaving it up to her. She did have her work to do but if she wanted him to stay then he would.

[ruby2]

And while this petite junior knew that he was going to leave her when she tells him she has Noah, it didn't matter. Because Hannah, finally, realized that it didn't matter until she tells him. It could be two hours from now, two days from now, or two years from now. Thing is, she never took her own advice. She never lived her life in the now. Always in the past, afraid of the future. But all she needed to do was enjoy the present. Chance made her happy. Ecstatic, even. But that was all that mattered now. Sure, she was still afraid to fall, afraid to open up, and absolutely terrified to get attached to him. But for all she knows, she could get a happily ever after. Or he might surprise her. Maybe she could open up to him without letting him in. It had finally hit her that she was having a date with Chance. A date. Something she'd sworn she'd never go on. But Chance made her feel like she existed. Like she wasn't just some girl who blended in amongst others. For the first time in her life, someone noticed her. It didn't matter if he was going to run away. It wasn't happening now. And it wasn't going to happen until she was ready to tell him.

Thoughts against thoughts ran through her mind, making her dizzy. On the one hand, this date could lead her to a road that she's never been on. This road could bring her to happiness. On the other hand, this road can also lead her to heartbreak, and pain, and anger. This road would also kill her. But it was just one date, right? Just one. Nothing life changing could possibly happen in one date. He wasn't going to just leave her to wait while he stands her up. Although, Chance didn't seem like the kind of guy who stood girls up. Then again, looks could be deceiving. Hannah bit the bottom of her lip, contemplating. No. She had already said yes. She couldn't possibly take back her words. It was too late. She decided that whatever happens will happen. She would just have to take a chance and leap. But it would be just that once. And that's if she survives the jump in the first place.

"Should I go? I mean, I don't wanna keep you from studying to anything." Aww. So considerate. Hannah smiled and shook her head. "No, don't go. Please?" She asked as sweetly as she could without having to force him to stay. But she really did want him to stay. She felt comfortable around here if she knew that Chance was here. She hated being the new girl. People just tend to stare and whisper. Especially with the Cameron and Marilyn and Luce dramas going around. Although..... she wouldn't really consider Marilyn and her drama. Marilyn was top dog and there was no point in fighting or trying to fight. Luce..... well Luce was not a problem. It was Cameron that she had the most problems with, but whatever. Just another girl in another school. She could care less if either of them died. Cameron was all threats, but Hannah had to admit, Cameron was by far scarier than Marilyn. Though, Marilyn has more respect from the people here than Cameron did. It confused her. She didn't know why she even cared. They were just people. People that she would never have to see as soon as a.)they graduate or b.)she escapes. "I'm almost done anyways. Give me five minutes. Pretty please?" She asked, batting her eyelashes at him with a small playful smile.

[chance joseph wilson]

He smiled when she did. She looked so cute with that smile and shaking her head. He didn't want to leave anyway. "Yeah sure, I'd be happy to stay," he told her with a smile. He liked being around her anyway so it wasn't as though she was asking for much.

"Sure," he said, he was happy to let her finish her work and then maybe talk or hang out some more or maybe even go out somewhere.. Whatever worked. "You do that, I'll just watch," he said with a grin. He was happy to just watch her finish up her work for five minutes. Even the little things were interesting enough.

The way she looked all excited about her work. She really did seem to like languages and all and he figured she was just one of those smart girls who liked studying.. But then she was pretty too, had no one ever pointed it out to her before? She certainly acted like she hadn't heard it much. Why wouldn't guys be trying to ask this girl out? It was something that didn't make much sense to him, but then she was here so she had to be damaged some how. It was that somata-whatsit that she had.

That was something she couldn't control. So other than that she was just a regular girl. A nice girl, one that had his attention from the moment he saw her. In a place like Hawthorne a girl like her was hard to come by but Chance had found her.

[ruby2]

]

Hannah beamed at him when he told her he'd stay. He had no idea how happy that made her. It shouldn't have made her happy. It shouldn't make her excited or anything, really. She should be mean, closed off, anything..... anything but nice and happy. This side of her was weird to see- even for her. It's been a long time since she's seen this part of her. A very long time. Too long, if you asked me. But Hannah had pushed her away for a reason. It was just so she wouldn't get attached to anyone, and she barely knew Chance. Just that he was new and needed some cheering up. Summer had been the one to come up with the idea. She had been the nice one. The generous one. The thoughtful one. She had just agreed to Summer's plan. That was all. His attention should be on Summer. Not her. She hadn't even thought about making his stay better, just that she was bored and needed something to do. She had needed some distractions anyways. She had been tired off her ass for the past couple weeks. This no sleep thing was really wearing her down, but she had fun today. So that energized her up a bit. If only energizer bunnies worked on humans too..... then she wouldn't be so dead all the time. Or at least sleepy anyways

"You do that, I'll just watch" She shook her head when he gave her a grin, a smile on her face. God, he's so silly. She opened her book to a few chapters till the end. She grabbed the pencil from her ponytail and started writing down notes of translations, all the important information that she needed. She stuck the back of the pencil in her mouth, biting down on it as she thought of how to translate one of the paragraphs into a sentence. It was such a bad habit of hers. She's always done it- even when she first learned how to write her abc's. She knew it was poisonous, but hey, she's been doing it all these years and she hasn't died yet. Yet, being the operative word.

She glanced up at him occasionally, a smile on her face as she would shake her head each time she looked at him watch her. It was so weird to have someone watch her do her homework. She wouldn't know why someone would do that? It's so boring. What was so interesting about someone doing their French homework and having fun with it? "You're crazy, you know that? I don't know why you'd ever want to watch me do homework." She teased, glancing up for a second before turning her attention back to her French book. She had actually read the English version of the book a long time ago, but she's forgotten some details and French versions of books are often a little different. Sometimes if you translated directly into English, it'd sound kind of funny too. Like broken English. Or just a lame joke. The book that her teacher had assigned was Animal Farm. A pretty good book on her list.

He watched her like he was studying an artwork, wondering why the artist painted the piece this way. Or why he used these specific colors. Or why this artwork could be so easily overlooked. Or why this frame could be broken but still be blended so well with the painting. She jotted down some new notes and closed the book, already finished reading. All she had to do was make an essay out of her notes, but that can be done later. She had at least five pages of notes to read over, so yeah, it can definitely be done later. She stuck the pencil in her ponytail again, leaning back, watching him study her. It was like he was trying to figure her out. Like she was some sort of complicated painting. Like there was more meaning than there is on the actual artwork. When in fact, it was just a plain piece of artwork that he shouldn't have even wasted his time on in the first place. Because this painting was broken. Damaged. He shouldn't waste his time on something that's now worth nothing.

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[chance joseph wilson]

She seemed pretty happy now. The whole atmosphere had changed. It was a good change though. Chance could have some lows and he thought this was just going to suck. Some school for kids with problems? He didn't think he had a problem but they figured it out and proved him wrong. So maybe he did belong here but he wasn't going to like it. He didn't even think it would be alright until he met her. She made it all seem a lot better.

He just watched her for a little while. She looked so focused, trying to concentrate and it was cute. He would smile whenever she looked up at him. Then the pencil went in her mouth, resting on those pouty red lips. He bet there was soft too. Chance bit his own lip lightly at the thought of kissing her, getting distracted yet again and going off on another tangent even with her sitting right there across from him.

"Watching you's fun," he admitted with a slight hint of a smirk. It didn't matter so much what she was doing, he was memorizing her face, storing as much of her as he could for later use should he happen to be lonely one night and decided that thinking of her would be useful to kill some of the tension he might have down in the lower region.

Or maybe he could just think of her right now. What she would look like.. all wet? Yeah that'd be hot and in that white top.. Yeah, that'd be real good. His eyes inevitably drifted down but shot right back back up when she leaned back but he was still biting his lip, looking all turned on. He wondered if she would noticed that look or even recognize it so he just smiled to change it up and hope she didn't notice.

"Hey," he said looking a little amused by her actions while trying to stomp out the awkwardness of her just watching him watch her.. "What are you thinking?" he asked, needing to know what was on her mind right now with the way she was looking at him. He didn't know if she realized it or not but she was starting to look a little sad there and he wasn't sure why.