Light In The Dark [Hannah]

[isaac mason brexton]

Isaac had been online all night but this was nothing new. He was used to being online in the early and late hours of the day. It was just because he had nothing better to do most of the time. He would usually study or read or do some homework but sometimes he just needed a break once in a while so talking to Hannah was nice but there was a lot he couldn't really tell her and a lot that he just wouldn't tell her purely because they were online on a chat where people could just come in a see everything.

Suggesting the light house was a pretty good idea in Isaac's opinion. It was just the right time to catch the sun rise which was always nice and just hanging out up there was good. Getting up to the top, it was still a little dark but Isaac made his way up to the top and leaned against the rails, looking out and waiting for the girl to arrived so that they could talk a little more.

[ruby2]

Hannah logged off, leaning back against the wooden chair that belonged to the open 24/7 cafe in town. She sighed, blowing the strand of golden blonde hair from her face. God, she missed him so much. When was she going to be able to see him again? Summer break? Do they even have one of these in a place like this- where it's dangerous to let these kids go back home? Was it really safe to leave him with a drug dealer? Most definitely not. But he was the first person she met when she first got here a couple of weeks ago. She didn't exactly trust him with her or Noah's life, but..... she had no other choice. He was the only person she knew in this place, and he wasn't all that bad of a guy. But a drug dealer can be irresponsible, messy, dirty, dangerous. She just..... She had no choice. She had been admitted in the hospital where there were other kids like her. But unlike them, she was a sex addict. Not full blown like I-need-to-get-laid-every-six-hours-or-I'll-kill-myself kind of sex addict. Just.... flirty and..... well, let's just say she has a lot of urges. They couldn't keep her there so they sent her to this place. But in this place, there wouldn't be a problem considering half the guys are taken, too messed up, or gay. She didn't have a problem with all three, but she doesn't even know anybody. She can't just walk up to people and say "let's get laid."

But, oh, what she'd do to see him again. She shook her head, chugging down her coffee and leaving a twenty dollar bill on the ugly shaded brown coffee table- even though the tab would've come up at around seven dollars. She circled the purple scarf around her neck twice, letting it fall over her chest before wrapping the grey trench coat around her body. Underneath the coat was a over-sized t-shirt that read "volunteer" in the back. The deep indigo wash jeans she had gotten from American Eagle hugged her tightly, never wanting to let go. The hem on both legs was tucked into the insides of her black cowboy-like boots. She pushed past the glass doors, shoving her hands in her jacket pocket, slowly making her way towards the lighthouse. It's been so long since she's seen one. Two years. It's been two years since she's last been close to a lighthouse. Her father used to go there with her all the time. Bright and early before the sun came up. They'd be sitting there, a coffee mug in his hands, and a hot chocolate filled coffee mug in her's. They'd laugh, talk, share secrets... She hasn't talked to any of her family in years. She wondered how they were doing, hoping they were missing her. Maybe they did. But did they forgive her? Most likely, not.

She wiped away the tear that threatened to fall. The walk to the lighthouse wasn't far, but Hannah had been panting by the time she got there. Half way through her slow walk, she had realized that Isaac might have already been there, waiting and waiting. Jogging/running in heels is not all that fun. She skipped up the stairs, her feet landing on every other step until she got to the top. Isaac was the first person she met in Hawthorne, other than the teachers, of course, but they didn't count. And then Summer and Jeff, then Luce and Marilyn. And while she's only been here a little over a week, she has yet to find anyone she could trust. Given, she didn't trust easily, but it'd be nice if she could talk to someone around here that's not a teacher, not the principal, not the secretary, and definitely not a shrink. It's already been a week and she has yet to make a name for herself. it's easier said than done when you're in a troubled teen school. Really, she didn't understand how her illness had anything to do with rebellion nor trouble. It makes absolutely no sense whatsoever. Anyway. When you're in a school where almost everybody needed the attention, it's hard to compete. She wasn't planning on staying here long anyways. The details of the escape were vague, but Hannah has yet to seen the entire building yet. For all she knew, she could just walk out the front gate with her bags and they'd let her go. Though, she highly doubted that it would happen. Escapes are never easy. Ever. And while she's a mastermind behind pranks, cruel jokes, and sneaking around.... she's the best at coming up with escape routes and possible bump in the road. Ah, well.... there's revenge too, so I guess it'd be a tie. Her eyes focused on the figure leaning against the rails, bringing her back to reality. "Hey Isaac, sorry for making you wait." She greeted softly, leaning against the rail, too, looking at him before looking out at the ocean. The breeze felt nice. Calming, even.

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[isaac mason brexton]

Isaac liked it up here but didn't spend a lot of time at the lighthouse. Sneaking out was fine and all but if you did it too much then you were bound to increase your chances of getting caught too. Isaac would sneak out enough times to go see the guy he was with but shouldn't really be with.. So increasing it to include sneaking out to a light house just didn't seem like it was worth the effort.

Standing out there, the wind was blowing but he liked it. He liked a cool breeze, and added to the darkness before sunrise, it was nice. He looked up when he heard the clicking of heels on the steps getting up to the lighthouse. Pushing off the rails he had been leaning on, Isaac just stood there as she approached.

"Nah, I haven't been here long," he told the girl with a smile. He had been in a good mood lately. Isaac started at a higher level but now he was on the lowest and about ready to get out of this place.

"So, like the view?" he asked, gesturing out. They were at the top of the lighthouse and you could see a lot from up here, it was part of the reason why he liked it so much. "So, tell me again why you can't sleep? Stress was it?" he asked, figuring it was probably going to be easier to talk up here and away from the crowds. Isaac did talk a lot but he was a good listener too.

[ruby2]

Hannah has hardly been anywhere since she got here. Three quarters of the time since she first settled in here was taking care of Noah, and the other times, she's trying to find a job. For the past two years, she has been jumping from school to school, job to job. She was hardly at school, only going if there was an exam or a test. Sure, she did her homework, but never showed up in class. She couldn't possibly attend school and pay for a babysitter without a well paying job. And most babysitters are her age, so really, unless she can afford a nanny, there was no other possible way except for to drop out of school. Home schooling wasn't an option either, but in a few places, she had found some nice people who would teach her for free- which she was grateful for. And then there was Paris, where she stayed for approximately four and half months before she packed her bags and left. It was too close to home. Her family would find her eventually. She couldn't see them. Can't face them, more like. People tend to get to know you when you stay too long at a place. Easily traceable footsteps. She can't leave a trail behind for her family to follow.

She had almost traveled the whole world before she found this place, two years later. And to think she was doing well in this place. She had surprised herself, not realizing that she didn't even need school. In fact, she was doing absolutely great in all her classes. Whoever said dropping out of school was a bad idea doesn't seem to have any faith in these people considering she hasn't learned anything from school for about a year. But, nonetheless, she was glad she's here. It was such a relaxing feeling to be in school again. She actually felt like a normal teenager. She fit in. Well not really, but she could walk in the hallways and enter the next class and be like "this is so familiar.... so... homey." It's generally a nice feeling. She let out a small smile towards Isaac when he smiled at her. "So, like the view?" She stayed silent for a second, basking in the scenerey. "No..." She trailed off, her gaze fixed at the beyond. "I love it." She said, as cheesy as it sounded. It's amazing how when you look at a place from a different angle, everything's different. Better.

There were a lot of reasons as to why she couldn't sleep. Plenty of reasons that didn't seem so important.... but, still, she had trouble sleeping for the past week. Everything felt so different, so uncomfortable. It was just a weird feeling generally. "Yeah, you can say stress is one of them.... I'm worried too..... but they kind of go hand in hand, I guess." She turned around, her back towards the scenery. She let out another sigh, closing her eyes for a second. "You're probably hating me because I told you that my family is more important than yours, and I know it's very very wrong, but.... I have my reasons." She opened her eyes and glanced at him with her green eyes before glancing away, biting down on her lower lip that had been glossed. "You see..... Two years ago, I had a one night stand with this guy...." She began, wondering why she was going to tell this guy she barely know. Didn't know at all. She's only talked to him a couple of times, but it was like..... there was no one else in this town that she'd rather talk to.

"Two weeks later, I found out that I was pregnant. Hours and hours and hours, I thought about whether or not I wanted to keep this living form inside me. I couldn't kill. Didn't have the guts to kill it. I was only fourteen. My mom was pissed, but I kept him...." She paused, her throat constricted, almost wanting to cry, but held it in. "One day, I was having a really big fight with her, and I accidentally pushed too hard. She..... she..... she fell overboard and drowned..." A couple of tears ran down her face. She wiped it away with the back of her hands, and laughed softly. Such a silly girl. "And I ran away from home, and I ended up here. Well here, in the town, but I was forced to go to this place, and the only guy I know was a drug dealer. I left my two year old son with a drug dealer." She finished, her eyes looking up at the stars. "I'm such a terrible mother." She muttered quietly, so quiet that it was barely audible.

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[isaac mason brexton]

Isaac just smiled. It was definitely nice up here, he knew that pretty well. He would come up here from time to time and just enjoy the view, letting time pass as he tried to figure things out and think things through. He was trying to grow up, act a little more mature and make the right decisions but it wasn't easy. It just wasn't who he was yet. He was eighteen and all he wanted to do was to keep partying and having fun but at the same time, this was going to be his last year of school and he wanted to do something with his life so he needed to start getting better and acting more like an adult and less like a teenager but that wasn't happened. He still was a teenager and he should be able to act like one but he didn't want to.. He just didn't know how not to.

"That's stress for ya," he said, it made sense for her to be worried about what ever it was she had back home and although Isaac didn't know what it was, he could probably understand it or at least accept that she felt this way. She seemed nice enough and if he could help her then he would.

He listened carefully as she began telling him what had happened. He bit his lower lip as she mentioned her mother not liking the fact that she kept the baby. This was starting to sound all too familiar.

Isaac put a hand on her shoulder to comfort her. She was pregnant and scared, he figured his own mother might have felt much the same way but then she had his dad. They were broke and they had nothing but at least they had each other. This girl didn't seem to have that and he figured that would make things a whole lot more difficult. The whole thing with her mother had been an accident but he didn't know the details and he didn't want to ask.

"Hey, it's okay," he said. "You kept the baby, you did the best you could. At least you've left him with someone," he told her. "Do they know about him? The school I mean," he asked, "Maybe they might let you keep him here?" he suggested, not knowing what the rules were regarding these sorts of situations but he wanted to help.

He didn't know who she left him with but he wasn't about to judge this person for being a drug dealer, he knew a couple of those who were actually nice so who knew. Maybe this person really could be trusted.

[ruby2]

What kind of mother would ever do such a thing? Hannah knew the drug dealer was nice and kind, but did she trust him? Definitely not. Maybe, in time, she'd be able to, but she haven't known him long. She didn't know much about him and he didn't know much about her. They were in a first name basis and that was about it. Other than the fact that she rented a room from his appartment. He didn't charge much for rent- which she was extremely thankful for. But she didn't trust him enough with a two year old kid whom barely knows how to run. She didn't care what he did for an occupation and how he does it, nor did she mind that he was a drug dealer, but she wasn't sure how well he handled little kids who constantly cries and needs attention.

Hannah hadn't wanted to kill her. Didn't even want to remotely hurt her. But her mother had been pissing her off more than usual and she already had a bad enough day. She was moody and the morning sickness was a pain in the ass. Pregnancy sucked. But her mother to kill her baby. Her child. A human life. Hannah couldn't let that happen. Protecting the child was her first priority. Normal mothers would be pissed for a while, but accept it a while later. A normal mother would help counsel their fourteen year old pregnant daughter. A normal mother would buy baby equipments for her. A normal mother would love their grandchild as much as they loved their own child. But her mother wasn't normal and neither was Hannah. Her mother had no idea how terrified she was, and all theat she wanted was her mother to put her arms around her and tell her everything was going to be okay.

Isaac laid a hand on her shoulder, comforting her. It may be a small gesture, but she hadn't had a gentle loving touch in a long time. It reminded her of her own brother, Scott. He had always treated her like a spoiled princess. He gave her the attention that her sisters and parents never had. He accepted her for she was and whom the baby would and could be. Her sisters, Merry, Jolly, and Blithe, had loved her too. Though they were always busy with their own lives. She understood that, but they didn't act like they were her older sister. No, the triplets were like a distant cousin. And then the incident happened and it was like she never existed. They cut her out of pictures, and erased all trace of her, locking her in her room until they were gone and wouldn't have to see her.

It got so bad that they made a schedule on when she can come out, what kind of food she's allowed to eat, when she can use the bathroom, and to never ever even so much as glance at them from the corner of her eyes. Even Scott was like that. He'd occassionally glance at her, but would never make a sound around her. And that was what did it for her. She couldn't take it anymore. If they were going to pretend she didn't exist, then she'll disappear. Not that she wanted to leave, but her baby had needs. She was constantly craving for food she can't eat when
pregnant and food that none of her family ever bought. She had no one to hold her hand when she was cramping, no one to feel her belly when her baby kicked. She had no one. Her friends had all abandoned her when they found out she was preggers. Some friends right? But that hand on her shoulder.... it made her feel love again, feel like she was loved again, feel like she didn't always have to be strong, that it's okay to show weakness sometimes.

But she couldn't. Show weakness, that is. She can't care. Can't open up again. People only let you down. They break your heart. They judge and point fingers. They make you feel disgust and depression. They leave you when you need a helping hand the most. They leave you high and dry and laugh at your face. She couldn't possibly let that happen again in this town. "No, they don't. You can't tell them. You can't let anyone know!" She yelled, too loudly. She was silent for a second, realizing how rude she had been just a second ago. "Sorry. I mean... Please. You can't." She told him hurriedly, looking him in the eyes. Word can't go out about her son. "I can't take that risk of having anyone else know. I can't... I can't lose him. I can't have social workers take him away from me. I... I mean we have gone through too much. He's my life."

[/justify]

[isaac mason brexton]

"I won't tell anyone," he said honestly. He wasn't going to let this get out if she was trying to keep it a secret, but he didn't see why she was doing that. "Why not?" he asked, not understanding why she wanted to hide her baby. Hawthorne wasn't the best place for a kid but if she could at least have her kid with her then that was good, right?

"I don't think they'd take him away from you. I mean, it's not as though you're with him now so maybe if they would let you keep him, it'd be better," he suggested. He was only trying to think of a way in which she could still have her child but this was pretty complicated.

He didn't know what the rules were with this and maybe they would take him away from her. Maybe it was enough that she was in a school like Hawthorne but then what? Put him into foster care? Was that better or worse than leaving him with a drug dealer.

"There's got to be some way to have him with you," he said, thinking out loud. This wasn't exactly the best arrangement having her here and her son somewhere else, there had to be a better way.

[ruby2]

Just the thought of losing Noah made her panic. Noah, gone. She couldn't even begin to comprehend the thought of that. She couldn't possibly let anyone take him from her. He's too important to her. She couldn't let the social workers know. She'd do anything for Noah. She'd kill for him. She had done and gone through too much to have Noah end up in an orphanage or foster home. Those kids that get taken there..... they're there because either their parents didn't want them or couldn't have them, but they abandoned them nonetheless. If Noah was sent to an orphanage or grew up in foster care, he'd grow up thinking that his mother didn't want him, didn't love him. But that was not true at all. Hannah loved him more than she did oxygen. He made her feel things that she thought she'd never feel. He made her look at things. I mean really look at things from a different perspective and realize that her life wasn't all that bad. He made her happy... His laugh was so contagious. So..... calming. She let a small smile graze her face at the thought of her baby's laughter. Oh, how she missed him terribly.

"Why not?" Isaac asked her, confused. She turned to her side, looking at him when she answered. Because social workers would take anything to make it seem like mothers like me..... aren't fit to take care of their child/children. Especially if they find out I'm here, in Hawthorne, they'd use it to their advantage. They'd say there's something wrong with me and that it's dangerous and would harm me and my child." She explained to him, not looking away. For a second she sounded very.... motherly and kind. Her eyes instantly went cold, putting up whatever walls she had broken down. What was she doing? Why was she telling him this? She barely knew this guy. She knew he was just trying to be helpful and try to make her feel better, but she couldn't have him do that. She can't get attached to this place or the people here. She needed him to realize that she was anything but nice. She needed him to stop being so kind to her. She needed him to hate her because in the end, it's going to hurt anyways. She was getting nicer and nicer for every second that was spent here. It scared the crap out of her. Hannah? Nice? It just wasn't possible. Hannah was by definition the ice queen, and to be called nice by someone she hardly knew was..... definitely weird.

She barely understood why she was telling this guy about her personal life. Or just telling him anything, generally. She wasn't sure if she could trust him. For the most part she did, but she people still talk. If she stayed here long enough, her dad can easily track her down and she can't have that happen. She can't stay here longer than four months. She can't take the chance and wait for the whole school to find out about her secrets. Although these kids have problems, they are still teenagers nonetheless. And gossip spreads like wildfire when it came to teenagers- whether they are messed up, fudge ups, weirdo's, or normal. Four months was a long time. In four months, she could be dead. In four months, she could be pregnant again. In four months, her family could find her. In four months, her sickness could get worse. In four months, she could fall in love. In four months, she would have to say goodbye. No matter where she is, who she's with, or how long she's known someone, goodbye's were still hard- even if you've only known a person for a day. Hannah never used to like goodbye's and never will. She hated getting attached to people. They only let you down. They break your heart. They judge and they laugh.

But the more you push people away, and and be the meanest you can be, purposely hurting them, they'd eventually give up and move on. One less person to say goodbye to. That's just how she worked. She couldn't possibly stay in this place. She can't leave her baby with that stranger for a long period of time considering she wasn't paying him. And while she's absolutely grateful, she still needed her son. She needed to hold him in her arms, tuck him in and kiss his forehead, play with him, be crazy, be happy, be sad.... She needed him so badly that it was like she couldn't breathe. She was suffocating without him. And it made her feel so pathetic, but that was just what she felt. Losing Noah was not an option. His safety will always be her first priority no matter what.

Isaac muttered something more to himself as a thought than to her, but she heard it nonetheless. 'Push him away, Hannah. Make him hate you.' Her thoughts reminding her. Right. "Yeah, there is..." She told him, attitude dripping out of her mouth, her ice cold green eyes staring at his. "And that's running away. And unless you know how I can escape without getting noticed or caught, don't even bother trying to help." She said to him, glaring. 'Bitch' was what crossed her mind when she finished saying it. She agreed with her conscience. She was definitely a bitch, but.... she had no other choice. He was getting too close. He was being too nice to her. She can't stand to walk away from those she loved again. It had hurt too much the first time around. She had cried herself to sleep everyday for the past two years. And as if she wasn't already stressed and sleep deprived.... she was now depressed because the picture of her mother's death was permanently stuck to her mind, reminding her every other second. It had taken her so much effort to forget about it, to forget that she had a family, but to no avail, she could never stop remembering them. She looked away from Isaac, crossing her arms over her chest.

[isaac mason brexton]

"Well that's no good," Isaac admitted. It really was a pretty bad place to be. Things just weren't going well for the girl. "I suppose you really do need to find a way out of here then," he said, looking back at girl.

Isaac wasn't even the least bit affect by the sudden personality change. He knew a few people with dissociative personality disorder so watching a girl get a little defensive was nothing when you've seen one go from slutty to a five year old in a second.

"I can't think of a way. You could sneak out but they'll always check eventually and when they do you'd need to be out of this town," he told her, still trying to help. "If you had a place to go, it'd be a lot easier... That or you get yourself down to a level one and wait for them to let you out," he told her. With some conditions, being a level one wasn't even an option. He knew that but he was just letting her know.

"Either way, this clearly isn't the place for you," he said, turning to face her, not at all bother by the negativity she showed before. "Look, you're already here, you might as well keep tabs on him, finish high school, get out, sort out a better life for you and him and go from there," he said. If she finished high school it'd be something at least, it might help her get a slightly better job and be able to support herself and her child more easily.

"I'm going to be out of here soon and I plan to sort of try and get into college or something but.. I'd have a lot more time and I know you don't know me well enough but I could take care of him for ya. Even bring him to come visit lots," he suggested.

[ruby2]

A family. That concept was such a distant memory now. Did her family still like the same things? Did they still eat together, vacation together? Were they still close? She had completely forgotten what it's like to be loved by someone you care about. She couldn't remember what it's like to go home from a terrible day and have her dad wrap his arms around her and say "Tell me what's wrong, sweetheart." Was she supposed to remember any of those things? Can she handle remembering all those things? Because the second she starts to let in all the good memories, the guilt would wash over her like a tsunami. She'd slowly suffocate, struggling to get some air, wishing you'd listen when people told you to hike up to the top of the mountain with them, hoping you'd survive this. No, she didn't want to remember. Didn't want to suffer through the pain, dreaming of days that would happen if she hadn't killed her own mother.

Isaac didn't even seem the least bit affected by her sudden change of attitude, and it irked her to think that this guy would be immune to her bitchiness. That...... was not a good sign. People who are immune to bitchiness are bound to end up over on the other side of the wall that you've built, using little to no effort getting over it. And Hannah wasn't ready for that. Ready to have real friends again. She wasn't ready to let someone else into her life and then having to say goodbye to him in the end. She wasn't ready for what was about to come. She squinted her eyes at him, glaring, "Yeah, do you think I don't know that? I've considered a lot of possibilities. Escaping is impossible, and lowering down a level is impossible. I can't just stop whatever I have. I don't even know if there's a cure." She spat out, obviously frustrated and impatient. God, she's tried to work a lot of things around, but it just seemed like she can't get out of this place. She was trapped in jail for eternity. Okay, well until graduation, but the thought of that already makes it seem like eternity. Graduation means she's here for another year. That's too long.

There is no possible way to contact the drug dealer. He contacts people, not the other way around. And every time he calls her, either she's in class, or she left her phone somewhere, or she's in the shower. There was never a good time to talk to him. Day and night, she yearned for a phone call, just to hear Noah's voice. She was so desperate, she was willing to jump off a building to go see him. But jumping off a building results in death, and she can't have that. She can't die until her baby has grown up. That's the plan. Do anything and everything she can to make a great living for Noah. Do anything and everything she could do to make him happy. The plan was to make sure he grows up to be happy, and strong, and independent, and move onto a better life. A life without her. She'd be able to rest in piece if she could just see Noah moving on to a happier life. Her attention was glued to him and his suggestion. A better place for Noah to live. For a whole year while she was in school. Would she be able to stay that long? Can she last this long in this place without having the urge to jump from town to town? But it'd be nice if Noah could actually stay in one place while growing up, instead of constantly moving from this place to that place, changing schools all the time. She knew what it was like to move from school to school. It wasn't fun. At all. The idea of Noah growing up in one time brought her joy and relief. She was silent for a while, thinking over it. "Would that be....... okay? Would it be okay with you? Taking care of a child can take a lot out of you. It's...... tiring." She told him, more so as a warning.

[isaac mason brexton]

It made sense what she was saying. It was impossibly. The only options and only ways out just weren't available to her, not like it was to him, but then Isaac was still certain he didn't belong here in the first place. This was why he never got to such a high level. It was always one, two at most and he was going to be out of here soon. She didn't have that luxury though.

"Well, I'll have college to think about but mum does send me money now that they have it so.. I'd have time since I won't need to work as well," he said, considering it more seriously. "I could leave him with a sitter for classes. I've got a little sister, I'm good with kids so that shouldn't be a problem.. Yeah, I can do it," he told her, with a smile.

He did want to help and it seemed he had found a good way to do it. "I don't think I'd even live too far away and I'd be close to Hawthorne often enough to see Luis anyway," he explained, forgetting that she had no either about who Luis even was or what he had to do with the school but he would explain if she asked.

Right now what he was thinking about was this boy who needed to see his mother from time to time. Isaac just wanted to help and it seemed he had found a way to do it. Isaac was sure he could handle it. It was a lot of work but then he didn't need much sleep and he would have all night to study and most of the day to take care of her son for her and if it meant that the boy would get to see her, spend weekends with her then that was great.

[ruby2]

There was one other option to leaving this place. And that was getting expelled. Anybody caught in the act of violence would get a three strike law in which results in expulsion. Or something like that. She didn't really read all the rules, just kind of..... skimmed over it. And then there were the issues with drugs and alcohol, and a whole bunch of other stuff, but violence is definitely something she's good at, and takes joy in it. So if she can do something she enjoys to get expelled, she didn't really have a problem with that. But the question was..... did she want to get expelled? Now that Summer seems to be the first girl friend that she's had in a while, and Isaac was offering things she'd never imagine a stranger would do for another stranger that has a child, it's like she didn't want to leave. But at the same time, she didn't want to have anything to do with this place. She wanted to leave and forget about this place. Forget the drama, the bullshit, and the kind people. She was better off somewhere else. Somewhere where she can be isolated and not have to worry about someone wanting to get closer to her. She didn't understand why she was so goddamn happy all the time around here- except for the few online drama that's bound to happen. While this girl hated people, there were people who made her want to shoot the whole school. But it was only a couple of people, so it wasn't so bad.

But the thought of actually staying at one place, for good, felt so.... strange. She's stayed with her family for almost fifteen years, but it's been so long since she's actually stayed in a place for a long period of time other than Paris, of course. With the money she had stolen from her father, she had already spent it on Noah, especially when she was giving birth. They had to leave her in private care because Hannah, overall, was frail and weak. All the equipments, strollers, diapers, baby food, etc etc, things start to add up. Within eight months, all the money was spent. She had to take a job and do some extra waitressing jobs. Money was tight, but she managed because Noah was her encouragement, and she needed to do everything she can to ensure that Noah had the best. In fact, money wasn't a problem for the Cohen's. They have enough money to feed over ten children for a whole life time and two more generations of the same population. Jake Cohen was probably one of the richest producers around the world, but was definitely by far from reaching Bill Gate's level. Bill Gates donated approximate 40 billion dollars to charity. Jake didn't even make that much in a decade, but he did make a lot of money.

So when Isaac said, "Well, I'll have college to think about but mum does send me money now that they have it so.. I'd have time since I won't need to work as well," Hannah immediately interrupted him. "Isaac, I can't let you spend your family's money on my kid. It's hard earned pay. They send it to you for a reason. it's a loving gesture for wanting you to have luxury. I can't take that from you or from your family." She told him honestly. And while she was in desperate need of money, there was no way she was going to allow someone to pay for the expenses of her own child. That's just not right. She'll figure something out. She'll sneak out of school and work graveyard shifts. The tips are not as great as it is during the day, but it's still something, right? Isaac was being too generous. So generous that she almost thought it was pity, for a second. She didn't need anyone's sympathy or pity. She's fine doing things on her own. She hated being pitied, and would never pity someone else. "You'll end up spending too much of your money on my child." She said, trying to convince herself as well. It was so tempting. Was she really desperate enough to let someone else pay for her kid's necessities? Probably. But could she really let someone do that for her? Most likely not.

But then he smiled and explained that he would live near Hawthorne so he could still see Luis. That was supposed to make her relieved, but all it did was confuse her. Who was Luis? Isaac kept bringing up her name, and she felt like she's supposed to know who it is without having Isaac telling her. She studied him for the longest time, scrutinizing him head to toe. He seemed so determined to help her, to help her see Noah. Why? Why was he being so nice to her? Why didn't he feel disgusted with her? Why didn't he judge her? That was a normal person's reaction right? Any person in this world that hears a girl say she was pregnant at fourteen would look at her as if she was some whore on the street, pretend that they're not disgusted, and then suddenly make up some excuse to leave. Why was he so determined to reunite these two? Was it personal experience? Did his mother abandon him when he was a child and felt the need to make sure she knew how it feels like to be abandoned? Was his mother a single mother too?

Did she love him the way Hannah loved Noah? Would she love Isaac if he got a fourteen year old girl pregnant? Would she still love him after everything? Would she love him the way Hannah always wanted her mother to love her? Would she accept and support his mistakes? Because Hannah would do all those things for her baby boy. She'd be the first person to get to the finish line to see her baby boy cross it. She'd be the first person there at his soccer game, the first person in the front row to watch him get ready for the play. She'd be the first person in line just to buy his favourite cd. She'd camp day and night outside a building- even if it's pouring rain or hailing- just to get his favourite game station. She'd be the first person to say "I'm so proud of you, Noah." even if it may seem like he failed. Because she won't let Noah fall through any cracks or holes. She'd never want him unhappy. Because her heart would break too if his is broken. She'd feel the same pain if he was injured. And she'd do everything she can to ensure his safety. She'd love him with all her being and never fail him. Because she would never do what her mother had done to her with Noah. She'd never judge, never pick a fight with him, and never push him so far off that he'd push you right out of the boat. Is that what Isaac's mom felt for him? Was she the only one? Was this obsession? Surely, it was just a mother being protective, right? Any mother would do what she wanted to do. She glanced sideways at Isaac, wondering so many things. Would it be rude if she asked them out loud? Guess she could give it a try. "And first off. Why do you insist on helping me and my kid? Second, who's Luis, and why do you keep mentioning him? Third, why are you so immune to my attitude?" She asked, raising a brow before turning around to look at the ocean once more. Why did this place have to be so breathtaking?

[isaac mason brexton]

Isaac just smirked. Yeah it seemed like a lot but it really wasn't, not to him, especially not now that his mother and her mother were starting to talk again.

"It's not from my family. It's from my grandparents and I hate them anyway," he explained. This money was bribe money to keep him far, far away so technically his and he could do whatever he wanted with it. Yes, he would be weird, spending it on some kid that wasn't even his but he liked kids and it would be fun for a while. Besides, it would be more for her and he had his own personal reasons for it. He just didn't want to see her without her kid and clearly this was affecting her.

"We'll call it practice for when I want kids of my own. How about that?" he suggested. "Besides, I want to start being more responsible and this would mean I would have to be," he explained. So if she did trust him with her kid then it wasn't as though he wouldn't get anything out of it anyway. He would be helping a friend and helping himself.

He wasn't surprised when she had questions though. He had definitely left a few things out so yeah, she would have question, that only made sense. Besides, this was her child, she had to be certain she could trust whoever she was going to leave him with and Isaac understood that. he was more than happy to answer any questions she had. Besides, she had trusted him with her secrets so now he would trust her with all of his.

"Well.. I suppose there were just a few similarities. I mean.. My mum was was a teenager when she got pregnant with me and her parents disowned her, left her with nothing because she wouldn't have an abortion," he told her. "I wouldn't be here if she hadn't decided to just do whatever she needed to do to even have me and take care of me. So, I suppose that's why I want to help you if I can," he explained. It was because he understood in a way and he wanted to help her since all she was trying to do was what was best for her son.

He smiled a little when she mentioned Luis. "That's my big secret with Summer. Luis is Mr. Alfredo the law teacher and we're sort of in a relationship. Have been for a little while and I know we're not suppose to be, he could get in trouble for it so it's got to be kept a secret till I get out of Hawthorne," he explained. It started out pretty normal and then it was just sex and that sort of turned into something more.. Or maybe it was and he just didn't see it. Either way, it was great and he wouldn't question it.

"What attitude? I barely noticed," he said with a smirk. "Nah, I've done worse, thrown full tantrums, gotten angry at people. That thing you just did, that's nothing," he said with a shrug. He had since and done worse so it was barely going to happen. "Besides, you got a lot to worry about so it's entirely understandable," he told her.

[ruby2]

It's so weird to hear someone say they hated their family. Hannah had grown up in a happy family. A very big family with a lot of extended cousins and cousin in laws and aunts and yaddi yadda. It could go on forever. Their gatherings were more like a social event than it was a gathering. There were too many of them to sit them down on a chair and serve them food while they shouted across the table. So they just ended up making it a party where you dress real fancy in silk ball gowns, a champagne glass in your hand, catering staff in white dress shirt and a black vest for mens, and a white dress shirt and a black pencil skirt for the ladies. Her parents would make their way down the stairs first, and then one by one, the triplets would follow, and then Scott, and then her. By the time it was her turn to descend, everybody's attention would have been on the triplets and sometimes Scott. She was just another invisible girl with a smile on her face. Was that normal? Smiling when there was nothing she wanted to do more than she did wanting to cry? Is that what most girls did? Smile through their tears? It amazed her how natural it was to her. She always found herself smiling despite the fact that she felt excluded.

Her mother used to love her to bits and pieces. She spoiled Hannah like no tomorrow, treated her better than the others, loved her more than the others. Before she hated her for wanting to keep the child. There was a time when Hannah and her mother used to be best friends. There was a time when they both went to spas and checked out hot masseuses. There was a time when they spent hours and hours and hours and hours trying on and buying clothes. There was a time when there was nothing but happiness. You could say it's Hannah's own damn fault. Hell it is and will always be her fault, but there was nothing she could have done. Well, she could have gotten an abortion, but she just..... couldn't. She couldn't possibly kill a life- no how matter how small it is. How could you live with yourself if you killed off someone who hasn't even gotten a chance to live yet? How do you even live with yourself for killing someone in general? She couldn't do that. Can't kill someone because someone else told her to. That baby inside her belly deserved a life too.

But so did her mom. Her mom had told her to pick one or the other. She had even threatened Hannah that she would do everything she could to separate the two. She couldn't lose her own child- even though the father was a stranger. Well.... not really a stranger. She knew his name and a couple other things you would know about a person when you first introduce yourself. He had fled the country before the baby was even born. He had told her to get rid of it too, but they didn't understand that she was already attached to this thing that was growing inside of her. They were connected. Would her mother have wanted to have grandma take Hannah away from her? If Hannah wasn't pregnant, would her mother be upset if grandma told her to get rid of "it?" Why couldn't she understand that she loved the baby in her belly? Why couldn't she understand that it was a life changing moment for her? Her mother kept telling her that she didn't know what it's like to be a mother. But now that she was going to be one, she finally understood what she'd have to go through. But she didn't listen. Didn't listen to reasoning. Her siblings and her father was fine with her being pregnant, but the second she accidentally pushes too hard, it's like she's the worst dictator there could be. Would they have treated her mother the same way if her mother had pushed too hard and Hannah slipped and miscarried? Would they have been depressed too? Would they have been worried if Hannah was bleeding out the baby? Would it be the same?

She didn't understand the logic of a person's mind. A person is your natural enemy the second you hurt a certain someone or something, but they never think of the reversed roles. What if she had died? Would she have stayed invisible to her siblings and her father? If she laid there on the floor of the ship, panting and crying in pain while she was bleeding out the dead body from her belling, would they have blamed her mother? Or would they have felt a little remorse and move on as if nothing happened? What if it was her that laid there dying? Would they grieve over her for months, maybe even years? Or would they grieve for a week or two and move on? Hannah shook her head, shaking out the questions of what if, what would happen, would this or this or this or that happen if this happened or that happened. There was no way she could find out. There was no way there'd be answers to any of those questions because one wouldn't usually think so much about something one cannot change. Unless one discovers a time machine that does not exist. One would find that only Hannah used sentences such as these.

"Whatever you say Isaac. Just don't chase me around town because of my debt to you in which is your debt to your grandparents." She said, half joking, half serious. Would she be in town long enough for him to chase her down for a debt that would make her owe him her life? Maybe not. But it'd be nice. Maybe. That is, if her father didn't drag her home by her ears- which wouldn't really surprise her all that much. "You call it whatever you want. I call it you're-my-savior-and-i-owe-you-like-no-tomorrow-and-will-make-it-up-to-you-as-soon-as-i-get-out-of-this-place." Now that things seem to be settled for Noah, trust wasn't really much of an issue anymore. It was more like..... Noah's safety in the concern now. It didn't matter if she trusted Isaac or not. Just as long as he can take care of a two year old kid and make sure he's constantly okay. She listened quietly as he answered her questions, explaining to her about his mother's situation. Ah, so his mother was in the same boat as her after all. Except that she had the father to help raise Isaac, and that she was disowned. Hannah kind of just disowned herself.

Then he moved on to the "Luis" subject. When he finally finished with that topic, everything made sense now. For a second, she was happy that Luis made Isaac happy. She wasn't sure why. For all she knew, Isaac could be a generally happy person, but she just assumed that there is no such thing as happiness in a gloomy place like Hawthorne Academy. "Don't worry. Your secret's safe with me." She assured him, zipping her mouth shut, locking it and throwing away the key. She used to do that all the time as a kid. Now, not so much because she wasn't a kid anymore. To most adults, yeah she was still just a kid because she's only seventeen. But now that she has a kid, most of the time, she felt like she was in her mid to late thirties. She grinned widely at him after throwing away the key, as if it could magically lighten the mood of their topics. "Besides, you got a lot to worry about so it's entirely understandable"

[/color] She nodded in agreement. Sort off. Not really. She wasn't acting like a cold hearted bitch because she had a lot to worry about, but because she needed to push away people like him who can crawl into her heart so easily. Which made her think. "Why are you being so nice to me?" She suddenly asked after a moment of silence. she didn't get. "I mean, other than the fact that I went through the same thing as your mother did when she had you." It just.... doesn't make sense. Not really, anyways. [/size][/justify][/blockquote][/blockquote][/center]

[isaac mason brexton]

He knew she didn't sound too serious but he gave her an answer anyway just so she might have a bit more information. "It's hardly a debt and I won't," he said before explaining it a little more. "They're basically paying my parents to keep me far away from them so I've basically earned it," he told her. Besides, he didn't care too much about money since he was used to not having much of it at all.

Isaac didn't need much to survive. Food, shelter, all the usual stuff. Everything else was just icing on the cake so he could definitely spare a bit of the extras on a little boy so that he could see his mother from time to time. That, to Isaac, was definitely worth it.

Isaac just smiled. He was just happy to be able to help the girl. He did like kids after all so he really didn't mind. "Thanks," he said when she agreed to keep his secret. He knew she wouldn't tell anyone. Hannah seemed nice enough and Isaac was usually a pretty good judge of character.

Isaac just shrugged. "Maybe I'm just a nice guy who's nice to people," he suggested. "I got into trouble quite a bit but it was never really anything to get me sent here," he told her with a shrug. He was really just a regular teenager.. Or at least a regular rebel teen who got into trouble every now and then.

"Besides, you seem nice enough, why shouldn't I be nice to you?" he said, giving her something else to think about too. A lot of people at Hawthorne just weren't worth the effort but Hannah seemed like one of the good ones.